fuck the past

2006-01-09T19:42:00.000+08:00

i find it so sweet whenever i see my daddy kissing mummy on the cheek and saying "goodbye mummy" in a slightly sweeter and softer tone than usual without fail every single morning before he leaves for work. be it them having cold wars or just normal days, he does it everyday.
it makes me feel touched and glad to see the strong love that exist between my parents despite them coming from totally different backgrounds, having two different personalities. their love grows stronger day by day, and its obvious that they are so into each other just by seeing the way they talk to each other.
and thats why i believe in love. :)

mrs teo questioned by pretty gold shoes today. i told her it was meant for sprinting during pe. thus she told me that since its meant for running, i hafta be first in class in accounts lesson..

rizal came to school today! we had this performance by the mcc. so ya!

learnt a lil something during econs today. like finally!
kristine came up and hugged me during break today and thanked me for writing her a testi. i was shocked, cuz it was unexpected. hehe. hugged my nadia, lays and naughty liar veron. it was sucha huggable break. haha. i whined for a looong time before hardi finally gave me a teenyweeny piece of his chicken. like finally!
gp was totally slacking in the comp lab.
i was first to reached accounts class, thanks to maya's reminder. i was just a few steps in front of wei yew! haha. anyway, i went in and shout "mrs teo! im first in class!!" and she smiled. haha.that means i dont hafta explain for my shoes anymore. lol.
2 periods of lunch with no other classes having lunch with us is somehow weird. its like we cant do much with anyone. so sad. but i had a great time talking to pris jiayu and meileng. sugar daddy came during class and when he realised that me and maya were sitting together, he was like "oh you two sit in the corner to produce the megahuge noise pollution in class huh?" keke. but so far, maya and i had not been that noisy la.
i ran out of class during gp to hang out with kira, teddy and sotong. haha. poor gabby sotong have no food to eat in the end.
pe was the usual.
maths was fun! i love maya! we talk non stop! we make so much noise.at one point, i was babbling in chinese teaching pris one qns without realising i was speaking too loud. mr soh was lik "ahem! channel 5 pls"
and the best fun of all...

maya preggies! haha.
the picture is so cute la. hahaha.
i didnt get to see kira before i left for home. :S

my sister had decided to join choir... it was such a surprise.

last but not least.
im amused by how superficial humans can be.
no one gives too much of a damn when your ugly/not at your most glamourous/uninteresring.
and things just change completely when its the other way round.
just like the amount of people that viewed akira's friendster. the number before i put that picture up was 26 btw.
now, who says look isnt important?

2006-01-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

akira finally bought new shoes! like yay!!! finally!!
and im so proud to announce that i played a major huge role in choosing the shoe! and the shoe is so pretty, i like!
its just funny that although we intially planned to buy shoes with the same colour, we eventually gave up that thought because mine is gold and its so hard to find gold shoes 4 a guy..and in the end, the shoes that he bought ended up almost similar in colour to mine! haha.

im suan by sooooooo many people today. especially teddy. and he refuse to put my real url in his blog la! so bad...

im becoming the people i hate.
yet, i dont care. anymore.

thats what happened when people take you for granted, and shits come pouring in at you.
you changed.

revenge is sweet.
im working on that. karma is being too slow. i have no patience for that.

time will tell. for now, im still me. :)

2006-01-08T14:07:00.000+08:00

an extract from my conv with yithann..

`yeE-Ha[Ng] says:
adsifaidmfids lor
a world where love is scorned as an illusion. says:
oh i asdfghjk c
``yeE-Ha[Ng] says:
asmfkamskfmak ^^ good!
a world where love is scorned as an illusion. says:
sdfghjk :)
``yeE-Ha[Ng] says:
yeah .. asfsafsaf yes
a world where love is scorned as an illusion. says:
wertyu y?
``yeE-Ha[Ng] says:
qwertyasdfzxcv lor
a world where love is scorned as an illusion. says:
ertyui duno
``yeE-Ha[Ng] says:
stupid la.. told u so many times its qwertyasdfzxcv
``yeE-Ha[Ng] says:
liddat also dun asfokasfao understand
a world where love is scorned as an illusion. says:
asdfghjk wtf~ u neva sdfghjkl explain

:) bored people do stupid things. even things that doesnt make sense.

im glad akira like what i did to his friendster. i thought his reaction would go like " my brother got see my acct one leiz... yadahyadah." cuz tt was wat he said las yr when i suggested somethin tt i now have forgotten. so ya. good! my efforts not wasted.

yesterday was ridiculous, rm400 somethin was spent on the italian restaurant we dine at. and we didnt order much la. thats the main thing.

had the family photo shoot yesterday. and mum came up with a crazy idea to ask me and my sis to dress up in kimonos and take pictures la. the kimonos arent even the real one, fake one. so anyway we still took la. i look goddamn flat. lol. picture will be out on 20th jan so ya!

and i have nothing so say anymore. im just bored.

2006-01-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

it is contradicting. im a perfectionist when i set my heart out to do something, yet, i dont believe in perfections..

anyway,
i was suppose to go out with nadia today, but things last minute popped up, and i kinda expected it so it was postponed.
and i went out with akira instead to get back my ezlink card at tanjong pagar.

mr teddy just love calling me a rainbow la. just because im oh so full of pretty colours and hes not. and my shoes is the pot of gold la..
you should see the way he and gabby sotong made animal noises. damn hilarious. haha.

but well lets talk about the day today.
me and maya took one whole day to figure out how to use our bluetooth. yes we are idiots at this la, but you should see our happy faces when we finally figured out how to use it. especially her motorola one. and this means, we will be taking so many more pictures especially since we sit together la. haha.
lessons were ok today. me and maya were shouting out our what-we-think-was-right answers during econs. and guess what, miss yap ignored us completely like we dont exist. i was so pissed la. if we actually said wrongly, least she can do is correct us, but she just ignored us. thats so rude. so after about 15mins we just couldnt be bothered, we ignored her lesson as well.
even mrs teo always listens and response to what id got to say even though im not making sense most of the time. so ya.

school was ok la. normal ba. moses slim down so much la that maya couldnt tell it was him.

so anyway, went to take my ezlink card la. like finally! so now im holding on to 2 ezlink cards. mine and akira. while akira is holding on to his brother, marcaroni's card. hahaha

then cuz well i heart the geisha thingy so so much right? so kira brought me to esplanade and bought me this flyer thingy of the geisha movie that is only available in japan, cuz singapore dont distribute this kind of flyer la! and its so pretty!!!!! im so happy lo!
all i left is the postcards and the poster. and the collection can be considered complete. :D
then i bought the yummilicious brownies from mrs fields for us to eat. yum yum!

if i had all the time in the world, i would have wanted to spent the day la. yes theres nothing much to do there, but then theres something about that place that makes it so nice for me to want to stay there. tau?

then anyway, rush back to wdlds to collect my bag from lexine la. finally my bag!

and lidat lo.

the rest shall be left unsaid. haha.

jiayu meileng pris and maya.
i still feel so bad cuz i feel that i haven contribute much la. if theres anything you guys still want me to do, just throw the task at me and ask me to do k? im so sorry.

2006-01-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

my family loves me so much, they wont leave me alone.

all i wanted once i reached home was lie down on my bed, hug my pillow until i feel good enough to get up again. and guess what...

when i went to my room, i locked my door.
my sister knocked on it, so i let her in, and she spent 20mins telling me about her day. so when she finally left my room, i locked my door again.
right after that, my oma knocked on my door, so i opened the door again, and she asked me to judge which dress looks nicer on her.
after that, i locked my door again, and just as my body reached my bed, my mum knocked on the door again and asked me to judge the 3 bras that she bought and what i think about it.
thinking that no one is gonna bother me anymore, my sister just hafta knock on my door again and tell me more about what happend in school.

*roll eyes*
am i like some god that you all need to ask advice from? where my moment of peace.
oh ya.. now. finally..

i forgot to add that after pe we all saw our beloved sugar daddy again. so sad that hes not in our class anymore la. and i took his mentoes and bite the other end of it to take the sweet, the irritating alene way. haha.

and during our lunch break. i was so bad la. sheri aini shaiful and amiru were walking at the parade square towards the staircase, i took my waterbottle and squeeze some water down a few metres away from them. and they were so cute la cuz whilst amiru was looking up at me, sheri they al, esp sheri! was looking at the water in amazement. it took her awhile before she realize whats going on. damn cute i tell you. lol.

now i hafta go write maya her letter.

tata.

2006-01-05T19:57:00.000+08:00

pe was hell. i hate pe.
height and weight was taken today, well im 2cm taller i forgot my previous weight, anyway its just 41kg.
after that we hafta run like some idiots for 5 rounds. god. the legs wanted to run more, run faster but breathing was such a difficulty. the throat and the lungs felt like they were burning. that almost killed me. and the final lap almost caused me to puke out my gastric juices. im not exaggerating, i felt it coming but i push it back.
and i look ugly in that stupid pe attire la,so unflattering... can we change the design of the attire?

anyway. went to bathe. and the water was ice cold. it felt ice cold to me at least. by the time i finish bathing my fingers were numb, i couldnt feel a thing for a minute or two. not much people actually bathe, dirty dirty. especially when we have a long day.. oh god i cant imagine just letting my sweat evaporates and have lessons the whole day just like that la.

and gabby is horrible anyhow beat people only.

i forgot everything about accounts. horrible man. mrs teo was kind enough to let us have the test next week.
genetically modified food project seems tough. i hope we can make it lo.
econs was funny. we were sabohing people all along. and when ms yap asked us who was the father of economics, we said mr yap. haha.
management was hectic. we were trying to cover as much as we could, so mrs yong was just zooming everything in an almost extremely fast pace. and in management, we learn that the grapevine is the so called more sophicated way of saying rumours and gossips. so when mrs yong asked whos the active grapevine ring leader of the class, everyone said my name la. like wth. haha. although its sound sophiscated but makes me sound pretty bad la. haha. thank god mrs yong decided to stop in time before we got overloaded with information. cuz its true, i couldnt absorb anymore nearing the end of the lesson.
we were released early for maths. its a once/twice a year only thing. so ya. the reason was simple. we hadn't even start lessons.

thanks for suaning me teddy. :)

for every time i cry, another wall is built up to protect me even more.
for every moment im happy, a wall is torn down cuz its not needed.
its up for you to decide what you want actually.either way suits me.

2006-01-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

today was a balanced day. the good and the bad.

the bad, lets not talk about it la. you know, i know. i just dont want it to be repeated or reminded or whatsoever.

the best thing was my boyfriend class rep leiz! haha. so funny la.. i didnt see it coming.. haha.

and our class is now ruled by the mats community. class rep is shaiful, no 1 mat in our class, then asst class rep is amiru, no 2 mat in our class. still got somemore la. majority is the guys. last year was girl power. so ya. fun la!

funniest thing of all was when dear adelena voted herself as asst class rep. the whole class went quiet for while la. anyway, while the 3 people went out so we can vote, when adelena's name was called. no one raised their hand and the whole class was so quiet before everyone started laughing. we thought we were evil until we saw mrs teo laughing uncontrollably behind and we laughed even harder. mrs teo so bad la! haha.
and to make adelena feel better, we choose her to be the welfare rep. when miss yap asked, what is the welfare rep suppose to do? everyone said "buy food" together. lol.
and stupid shaiful tried to sabohed me. when zhenghang was chosen as the av rep he was like ey ask the best fren to be asst av rep. right alene?

god. best fren has lost its meaning ever since last year. best frenz means ur worst frenz. haha.

we got ferrero from miss yap sweetie!
talk about her. she really too short. i was lost when it comes to finding my class this morning la. i and lynnest lost like fuck la. thank god lynnest spotted out classmates. and thankfully now our class is so easy to find liao.

i heart my sheri cherry. and her bf rocks.
sheri is right, im starting to go to the wild side. i cant help it. hormones.. ha.

julius treat me billy bombers and i got me long await banana milkshake! woots woots.

and i got to spent time with akira after that. we were in the midst of not talking to each other, and so while waiting for the train. his shoulders looked tempting, so i just rested my head there and it felt good and i know that feelings were not lost yet. just that too much had been happening... i dont know. i just hope its not a mistake.

2006-01-03T23:11:00.000+08:00

Virgo is not a jealous person by nature but with Sagittarius these feelings will be quiet easily
aroused since Sagittarius, a great believer in personal freedoms, will find it hard to confine
him/her self to the restraints of a faithful relationship as he/she does not think that love
means possession. Sagittarius will also find it tough going with Virgo who believes in
having financial security and planning for the future; Sagittarius treats this subject as a
minor annoyance at the best. Dreaming the impossible dream is normal for Sagittarius who
never worries what the bills will be like next month or where the grocery money is coming
from, and surprisingly, these dreams do have a way of coming true from time to time which
is terribly unsettling for Virgo. As both have an interest in outdoor activity this could bring
them close for awhile, but only temporarily. Sharing an interest in other less important
matters such as travel is hardly enough to base a lifetime commitment on and expect it to
work.Since Virgo is not one to place too great an emphasis on the sexual side of life and
does not have the same appetites that Sagittarians have, Sagittarius may well feel that he or
she is justified in finding a new lover from time to time which will cause many fights. This is
not a very good union; not a match made in Heaven.

do you think its true? i dont know. haha.

i love to go to school!

2006-01-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

[[edit]]

whee! first day of school today!

today was sucha gorgeous day, almost everything was purfect. and that was beautiful.

i reached school pretty early because my dad dont want to get caught in the horrid traffic jam later on, so thank god kimberley always arrive school god damn early la. early morning bitch about people already... aahhaa

then boyfriend arrived, he give me 3 geisha cards/"hangers" which is so god damn beautiful and although i didnt tell it to his face, im hopelessly in love with the 3 geisha cards thingy. thanks bf! :)
oh and if anyone happens to see any "memoirs of a geisha" postcards around while going to the cinemas, please please please grab a stack of it? pretty pls? hehe.

so gena they all all arrived school one by one and i was so happy to see them. miss them all so much la! so excited to see maya, i thought she wasnt thrilled to see me, but she was la! haha. we are partners in class now. keke. do await for more noise pollutions... and the very loud SHHH by aini. lol.

then saw gracie, she gave me my birthday prezie. something from the body shop of course! haha. inside this very very pretty red box is a small raspberry body shower gel and a bar of raspberry soap and the box smell so yumilicious, its like eating a sweet without using the mouth la. damn damn nice. thanks gracie sayang. :)

and when the bell rang, we got lost in the parade square cuz miss yap too short, and therefore we dont know where on earth our class was lining up. we were like fools standing at one corner desperately searching for our class la. haha.
~~grace said the pledge in an ultra whiny act cute voice i rolled my eyes at her and laughed. keke~~
classroom third floor leiz.. so mafan. i miss the old classroom. but ok la.. we will have our fun.

and we had our gp test. i actually answered the humanities way la, i only realised i was wrong when i was telling akira about my gp in the bus. oh god, there goes my expectations...
"prisons should emphasise rehabiliation than punishment" how far do you agree?
dont you just love the topic prejudice and crimes? haha.

our class was the first to be released so we got nice seats to eat while most people are standing. dont know why also.
oh and just as we stepped out of class, there was this cute malay boy who was lost in finding the toilet. at first thought he was a teacher cuz he look pretty old, but when i saw him looking at the toilets in puzzlement, i knew hes a student. and when i turned around, maya and grace exclaimed he was cute too. haha. ~~and thats the only cute 1st-3-mths student that caught our eye today...~~
so ya. love the classmates. and i made akira go all the way up to the 3rd floor and made him stay there until i hafta go down for cina test.

we were late for the test. but it doesnt matter. i turned around and looked at the answers of the guy behind me, cuz i dont know how to do the first section. he gave me the god damn shock face cause i dont even know him la. then i compare my answers with grace when she sleep, all different la. i got a feeling i wont score well for this, cuz i anyhow do.
but who cares la hor.

during the talk, i was made to sit in front cuz all the classmates haven come la. i was the fourth one.. right in front of the principal. but then, me and grace still talk throughout la. i couldnt sit still for a minute. cuz i dont feel like sitting and listening la!

and when we went down to collect the handbooks, we were laughing cuz it looks like the hello kitty craze, all lining up waiting to go up to the halls.

after half a year of unspoken cold war, just as i was stepping out of class, fauzie happened to be behind me and he said "hi". boy was i shocked, didnt expect it. but ya, hopefully friendship will be renewed. hes pretty sweet even as a friend after all.

and ya. thats about all. home tutor wasnt very interesting, just talked a little and no more.

OH! sherri just pierce her ear, i also want lo! haha.

annnd the cherry on top of my beautiful day is.........
S H O P P I N G ! ! !

intitally was just me and kira celebrating our 6th mth in orchard, but shaiful grace and pris happened to want to go town and i cant resist saying no to them after not going out with them for sooooo long! so we went town together!

we wanted to eat at the food court but then no seats, so we ate at kfc. did a little window shopping at zara, the clothes are pretty disappointing cuz sales what.. and we talk alot la. hehe.
went to pacific plaza to look at the mambo wallet that grace said was pretty, it was lo, but $79 for a wallet didnt seem worth it. so we tried to look at the other surfer brands, but nothing much caught my eye.

before me and akira parted with them, we saw "aiyoyo" [grace say one. not me. i 4got her name] in the adidas shop. she look thinner than on tv la but more frail too.

anyway!! we went to wheelock, and bought my crumpler! yeays! went to the toy/anime shop, and the doll i wanted since last year cost $59 and not $100 someting la, so im going to buy one soon i guess. :D
and we couldnt find the shoe akira wanted... maybe he will buy the one like my adidas boots leiz! haha. the gangsta shoe! lol.

and we went to taka and bought me bra!! at first wanted to buy the green pierre cardin bra as intended, but then i feel it doesn suit me cuz me no meat. so looked around and there was this green beedees bra. so end up buying that lo! he buy for me one! cuz he owe me one! hehe.
and in taka, while i was changing some ringgits, there was this pretty lady who said "where you got your shoes from, it looks very nice" omg it was so unexpected especially when grace said it was ugly in the morning. lol. anyway. i was so flattered i was in cloud 9 from the money changer to wisma. sooo flattered la. for once i didnt bothered to shoot akira back when he tried to suan me a lil n all. i just too flattered too high to care!! lol.

at first he want to buy me flower, but i want to flaunt my flower ma, so i ask him to give me tml morning but i doubt he will lo. cuz i just doubt he will lo.. haha.

i love school. haha.

and for a perfect ending for this pretty day...
i got my keyboard back. :D

happy 6th mth. :)

2006-01-02T00:14:00.000+08:00

my room smells god damn fucking clean, with a hint of lemon sorbet. i feel damn proud la.

i started at 4 and ended at 1145.

first, i moved the heavy furnitures myself.
for every part of my room/furniture, i used the small broom to sweep every small objects lying in my room.
then, i used the big broom to sweep the rest i didnt see.
then, i used the magiclean thingy to sweep up unseen hair and dust.
then, i used a cloth and wiped the floor with my hand.
then, i used the perfect aire thing to absorb even more unseen dust.
then, i used the magiclean thingy thing again and sweep the floor again, just in case.
then, i used two cloths, one wet and one dry, to wipe every single object in my room, except my clothes of course.
then, i changed my bedsheet.
then, i polished my piano.
and before i left my room, i use a cloth and mop the whole visible areas left again.

:D
yes i am boasting because i am so so proud of myself. second time i spring clean my room myself.
the bucket of water i used end up a very dark grey. dust. god..
and yes, i proved one thing about myself. i am a god damn perfectionist when i set my heart out to do something, the rest of the time/95%, i slack and give up easily cuz i cant be bothered.
:D

one more day until school reopens.
one more day for our 6th mth.
one more day for shopping~~~~~~~~~~~~

i am god damn tired now, i ought to pamper myself now. so tata~

2006-01-01T16:55:00.000+08:00

what a new year.

i had piano first thing in the morning... no breakie no nothin ok. rush there cuz they inform me last minute. but ok la. i dont mind.

then, tried some gowns cuz we are gonna have some family potrait/phototaking next week. my face not nice!
*wails*

and i FINALLY went to see the doctor. FINALLY got proper medication for my horrible horrible face. gonna be so ugly on tues la...

oh, and im in the middle of spring cleaning my room. had been moving some heavy furnitures around the room to get to those dark cozy sides. yes i may be the last one to help out in houseworks, but when i decide to do something... i think i make the best housewife ever. i wil do anything and everything to get rid of the dirts and unseen dust and all. trust me. :)

thats all. im so very busy.

2005-12-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

alright, a quick update since mimi asked for it.

apparently, to those who still dont know... my keyboard got confiscate la. so im apparently sneak using it. :)

i bribe my mum into doing my chinese project for me by offering to wash up all the dirty dishes tonight. how nice of me ya?

got to know whos going to MI for the first 3 months. no comments.

and i really dont know what to say...

except that im going shopping soon! haha.

2005-12-27T14:48:00.000+08:00

this is so stupid.
i have no idea why im torturing myself this way. its like as though by doing this to myself, im suppose to make myself feel better~~worst~~. yet i keep doing so.
comparing. it now seems like such an evil word.

because i compare, i thought im challenging myself for the better.
because i compare, i end up bringing myself down.
because i compare, i try too hard.
because i compare, i end up hurting myself.
because i compare, i thought im making things better.
because i compare, im making myself really miserable.
because i compare, i will never be truly happy.

nothing is worst than looking at the mirror and seeing all those imperfections i have. i would do all i can to make them go away, just like they will do all they can to make me feel ugly.

id screwed up my life thats for sure.
now i just need to find my way back.
if i can figure it out, that is...

2005-12-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

im back from chalet since yest.
and im waiting for my nie nie to sent me the pics that is with her. and zhi wei too.

chalet was a pretty love. and a pretty mess.
we bowled, we cycled, we swimmed, we bbqed, we go arcade, we played playstation, we watched movies and we watched the sunrise.
i love the part when we all keep on making fun of gaylao, swearing to teach him how to be a man in 3 days.
i love the part when we shake our butts in the swimming pool for all passerbys below to see. and yes, they did stop just to watch us shake our butts. lol.
i love the part when we cycled all around east coast, playing games while cycling, trying to bang onto each other, giving way for that little boy as tho hes some king.
i love the water fights, the "polar sinking express".
i love the bbq, the talks, the water bombs, the monkey ball games.
i love the homies. (:

and i got to meet up with my bf, where he went all the way to pasir ris to meet me up, only to know i haven bathe and waited for me for one hour plus. hehe.
and we went to watched the promise, and although the show sucks, having him around was love. hehes.

and although at one point of time, the way yithann acted like a total ass, almost spoiling everything, treating me like shit, pretending i didnt exist, not replying when i talked to him and i detest him then for his immature ways. i will just pretend it didnt happen. i wont do the same back to him, cuz that will make me like him, i will just talk when asked next time, and ignore when not. no longer pampering him like i used to, buying food for him, rushing from sch to meet him, staying back cuz he asked and all. just no longer treating him like a close buddy cuz he taught me so. its sad la.

other than that,
everything and everyone was love.

2005-12-16T22:11:00.000+08:00

im a horrible horrible packer.
i dont know what to pack for a 3 days 2 night chalet. so i ended up bringing my puma bag and a shoe bag. and theres alot of things inside. they surely gonna laugh at me tml one la..
god. i feel like a bimbo.

mum, sis, me, big aunt and my 2 cousins went to eat steamboat + bbq jus now. they dont have my favourite sotong la! its sucha waste man.

the 9pm show is indeed rubbish. you call that dance? its a total disappointment. i only let the ending at the airport.

---

if only you understand me, if only you can see things the way i see, if only you know the right words to say, if only you just keep yourself from holding back.

its getting bad, we are screwing things up, saying the things we shouldnt say, yet not saying the things we should say, the words the other party wants to hear.

you think im holding back, when im already expressing myself, why cant you understand that im a one minute angry next minute ok person? why cant you understand i love to daydream and think of impossible fantasies and things thats not right for me to think of? i wonder if im that hard to understand.

yes i need the spice, but nt the quarreling type. i dont want that. i want the getting into trouble, doing mischevious things, the rebellious kind. no doubt, theres still a bit of ahlian side in me that need to be the bad girl.

just why cant you understand.

You're the words that come out easy,

And I am speechless at best.

could i have shown more teeth when i smiled,

stood up straight when you called my name,

kissed you with my eyes closed,

i'm lost.

i'll find my way.

2005-12-16T15:38:00.000+08:00

*roll eyes*
this is the second time im doing it, and please bear in mind that i was forced by two horrible terrible crazy girls to do this and now they owe me gummy bears ~~and my bday prezie~~ :)

ok so here it goes again........
5 wierd/random things about me:
1. i'm jiayu's friend
2. i'm meileng's friend
3. i looove piercing my ears. sometimes i purposely let the earhole close so i can pierce again. the sudden pain is love.
4. total silence and darkness when i sleep, or else i will be tossing and turning.
5. this is the second time ive done this thing.

its raining! i want to play in the rain!
i never got a chance to play in the rain with my bf yet.
well anyway, it reminds me of something. my sis was mad when she was young, shes still mad now la, but anyway, she couldnt stand her clothes being dirty, just one drop of water or food kena her, she will went to her room and change immediately. so well, shes capable of changing four to five times a day la. i always splash her with water whenever i was watering the plants and shes there. so she just changed and changed and changed la. haha.
oh i still remember last time, when i was in primary school, my sister pissed me off soo much, i took a scissors and cut one of her shirts. the shirt ended up having triangle and heart shape and when my sister took out the shirt, she wondered out loud what happened to the shirt.
oh god. now i remembered so many evil pranks i did to my sister. i kinda pity her. hahaha.

tried to pluck my sister eyebrow just now, but she kept on running away. and she cried cuz mama dont want to sayang her. ahahahaha.
oh and erm. i overpluck my eyebrow again, so im waiting for it to grow long all over again. i think i shall just let the pro handle it. because everytime i start trimming my eyebrow, it get me hooked, to want to pluck even more thinking im shaping my brows when im actually thinning my brows in the end. so erm ya. after xmas, i think i just hafta go pluck my brows again. ha.

tomorrow is the day. i hope all is love.

ilu. ~~even tho im still pissed.~~

2005-12-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

YAYS!
oh god im so thankful to my mama! its approved with the nod from the big boss! haha. yes after some awkward laughs with my mama, not knowing how to ask my dad, i grab all balls i have and asked the question again. he was still in doubts and all but mama back me up. mama said " i know these people, they are not who you think they are, i know them" and she kept on saying and he reluctantly allowed! whee~ hehe.
all thanks to mama k! and ya, its cool that my mama know them all, and thats why she back me up. yeah!

thiam yi is going to fulfil his promise to me because im keeping a secret for him wor! if i tell on him, i bet he will be screwed alive. heh heh.
too bad xinyu and xinchi couldnt come even though they told me they will la...

ilu.

2005-12-14T14:44:00.000+08:00

first of all. JIAYU! you are damn kuku la. i did that way before and you were one of those i asked to do la. *slaps forehead*
SO! im not doing. :p

i cant handle rejections well.
if my dad say no for the second time tomorrow.
i really will break down.
i just cant handle "no".

but the thing now is, i dont know if i want to go anot.
goodness, im damn fickle la.

2005-12-12T02:12:00.000+08:00

i just passed the i-love-my-family-test with flying colours by answering their birthday dates correctly. mummy just popped it out of the blue and i was caught unaware. thank god i answered them correctly or mummy surely lecture about how i dont care about the family. hahas. i almost got hers wrong, because hers is so near mothers day, i always mixed them up. hehe.

now im putting all my last hopes in mummys hands and hope that her persuasion will work. apparently, after yit hann's questioning today, i have to asked dad about the chalet thing la, and hes was a straight NO. not like i didnt expect it, but i hope for miracles to happen, and he just dashed all my last hopes away. oh come on, im not demanding much, i dont get to spent that much time with them like i used to, i had even missed the last year one. so why cant i go this year? he claimed i had been staying overnight too much, when the last one was just the camp. soooo long liao! i really want to go so badly la. if he really insist upon it, i really wont talk to him until i really need to man, not like i talk to him often, but ya. christmas is coming, with my attitude i can spoil everyones mood, and i dont care even if i get beaten up because he ruin my plans.
thats how badly i want to go. and come on. what can go wrong?! they know every single one of them even some of their families. so what really can go wrong... im already 17, no longer a kid. why cant he just loosen up abit. even mama had loosen up so much... sigh.

my scales is love. 4 octaves now. all the twist and turns. the delightful smooth flowing tune that is set at the right pace, played upon all the right notes. the only thing im capable of. haha.
pieces are in a pretty mess. i just cant play the second song, it seems impossbile. i have a maximum of 6-8months to master the 3 songs. no worries though. still have the time. practical next year for grade 6. yes pretty pathetic huh. but considering the fact that i had a one and a half year rest due to my Os and laziness, and i only start learning at primary four because i was learning electone before that. i think its hai hao lo.
and come to think about it, i want to learn electone again because of the variety of music i can play. but mum refuse to let me learn which is darn sad la. she said "when you are older and you have the money, then you go learn. dont expect me to invest that in you" *frowns* now you know why im so untalented. because she refuse to invest in me and i have no moolahs. all of my moolahs come from them because they dont let me work. they dont let me work because they worry too much about me. they worry too much about me because i live in malaysia, and people these days are heartless, evil and horrible. people these days are heartless, evil and horrible because they have all gone mad. they have all gone mad because... i dont know. thats how humans had become these days.

stress is just an excuse to oneself. it can be avoided. and something can be done. things are always simple, but everyone likes to make it complicated. and because of that, they invented the word "stress".
its all in the mind.

toothpaste is said to help in drying the zits on your face, other than pranks being played on you, like what happened to enos in the sle camp.. had anyone ever tried treating the toothpaste like those clay mask and smear it on your face for experiment? well... im did that awhile ago and it only helped a teenyweenybit. so ya. haha.

2005-12-11T18:15:00.000+08:00

lina sab's msn keep on popping in msn for the past few days, the picture of her is pretty pretty but lets just say, a tree may look as beautiful as ever, but when you notice the insects infesting it, and the tips of the branches that are brown from disease, even the trunk seems to lose some of its magnificence.
and well, after knowing her since sec two and with my own observation and a few hearsays here and there not to mention some words exchanged with her. you can say i know what kind of person she is. and thus, with the help of a flower stuck into her head, her side view may make her look pretty nice. but yet, because i know her and her character well. shes just like the tree la. nothing much to look upon for the more i look at her, the more unpretty she seems.

i know i know. it makes no sense. but i just want to say it. so ya. :)

i know waaaay more about you then you think i do. trust me. i have my way with things. *smiles*

did a little mopping. thats the only housework i ever do these days. the rest, i just bribe my sis into doing it. all i need to do is to be more loving to her. haha.

ilu.

i HATE cina BOYBANDS!

2005-12-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

im. so. tired.

i had been unexpectedly busy ever since my big aunt and my two cousins arrived at johor. oh kill me. i had been yawning the whole day again today. they did morning/afternoon call at 1pm+ just to pull me out of bed so that i can accompany them shopping at that lousy shopping center near my house.
i dont like to go there cuz the stuffs are so... not for me la.
i want more bras... i aim to collect all colours. hehes.
apparently the reward[s] i got for being dragged are foods and an some facial stuffs and two sets of maybelline eyeshadows. and a date with them on thursday...

my sister keep on sneezing non stop today. im so scared i will get it from her la. i dont want to get that stupid flu cuz its horrible. and irritating.

oh and i snapped at the salesperson just now because she was rude to my aunty. and that shut her nonsensical bushuang attitude up. and i scolded another one stupid because he cant walk properly and ended up banging onto my shoulder.

me and my cousin had a little squabble because she cant stand me talking bad stuffs about her favourite boyband "energy". *roll eyes*
we were watching this tv show, and energy just had to show off to people about their dance moves, and it was obvious that with such dance movements they were doing, they cant possibly sing it that smoothly. really lo.
so i was commenting about them mouthing instead of singing then she bu shuang and keep on arguing back. i just went whatever la, these boybands are stupid.
i loathe f4, 5566, energy and whatever cina nonsensical group that comes along. i dont understand how and why people can be so crazy over an idol who is only human like us. buying their cd and stuffs are not wrong. but to go absolute crazy and mad over them is stupid. like queuing those ultra looooooong queues just to get their signature.
or like the recent case during the star awards where the stupid fans complain about zoe for "forcing" christopher [?!] lee to propose to fann wong. omg, thats so childish la! lidat also want to complain, they should just get a life la.
*roll eyes* i dont know. kids these days. heh. *shrugs*

anyway, i feel like cutting the end of my eyelashes, they had been creating problems to my eye by being too long and causing tons of irritations. argh.

i hope they dont draag me out again tomorrow. i really need some rest to recharge my body. especially when mon, tues, thurs and most prollie sat,sun and following mon, i will be out. oh god.

i miss hongkong so much.
i never once miss a country before...
until my parents brought me there.......................... :S

p.s.i just went frendster hopping and there was this girl who said she is fugly, yet she post sooooo many of her self taken pictures online. it just doesnt makes sense la. or does it? *shrugs*

my very bitchy mood is starting all over again. bitch fight anyone?

2005-12-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

i hate accounts theory. like totally. not to mention the questions that they asked. its like HUH?!what are you talking about??
GENA! EMAIL ME THE ANSWERS FOR THE POA HOLIDAY HMWK.PRETTY PLEASE. i promise its meant for inferring. :)
so apparently, the past hour of trying to finish my poa hmwk was an obvious failure. i forgot everything liao. :S

theres like so many thoughts running in my head, and they wont stop. and its tiring when your mind cant relax. i just wanna break away and ruuuuuuuuuuun.

2005-12-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

im finally back home.

got forced out of bed at early noon, and it resulted in me yawning many a times. im such a pig. and i kind of slightly overplucked my eyebrows again. i hope they grow out quick *cross fingers*

we went to grandparents house because granny cooked xia mian. taste better than mums'. haha. my big aunt and mum ended up demonstrating to each other the yoga skills they were capable of doing. it was damn cute la. my aunt almost screwed me when i said the floor aint clean, cuz she just mopped the whole house this morning. haha.
we drove around the neighbourhood before finally deciding to head to the saloon. i almost got my hair cut and i almost permed my hair. im still really pondering as to whether to cut my hair because i may be perming my hair during june. and i decided not to perm my hair because i just straighten it, it will be a waste of mama's money you see. so now. im pondering, hard. i just sick of my hair liao la. it needs changes.

and bf, well, yes, you had satisfied more than required. good for you. as a reward, you are to decide what to do on tuesday/thursday. i still dont know yet. im thinking of tanning on sat, if im allowed out that is.

im bored right now, i think its high time i finish up my poa homework.

random.

2005-12-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

i need my senior tai tai asap! *waves* i wonder when will she finally be online again, i so need to consult her about something la...

im still on the pondering about 3 important things thats awaiting for my decision to be made. one is of concerned about my looks, the other about my moolahs and another about time. oh bother.

akira owe me 9 para of 9 lines each in his blog.

i finally finally got my mp3 back! like after more than a month. finally~

~~i called my boyfriend just now, and, oh wells, i just wish i really really can help change his life and the way he sees things.~~

---

tell me why it hurts. tell me why it is like how it is. tell me the reasons, the wants, the meanings. tell me the why's, because i forgot the what's and the how's. i lost the guidance and the want, the passion has turned into mild submission and absolute apathy. apathy without the will of it. i've turned into a non-caring soul, against the will of my mind. how is that possible? how is it possible anything? how is it possible that i want still get out of all of this all the time? how is it that near a year has passed and i feel no different than i was before? how was i so passionate? how? why? tell me, tell me.

tell me why you hurt and how you want to run away. run away with me, we'll leave forever. tell no one, no one needs to know. no one needs to know how we hurt, we will hurt together. everyone hurts together. everyone hurts. i don't understand the pain of everything. help, please. run away. we'll gather all our personal relics and the possessions that hold a supposed meaning. and in the night, we will creep away slowly, far before the dawn, before the early waker wakes and after the late sleeper sleeps. we will run away together. just you and i, pacing the backgrounds and backdrops to nowhere. it feels better that way, it feels better this way. it feels better when you don't know what i say except that i whisper it sweetly, oh, that i can control the pain and the love and the in-betweens and still not know how to control myself.

oh! tell me of the better days, tell me of when it was good. make it good again. we will never see this place again. run away with me! dance in the night and do away with the inhibitions that our self-conscious ties us down with. do away with the arrogance, do away with the reasons. talk slowly, talk softly, talk with beautiful voices, mellifluous enough for the moment. hold this in forever, let it go right now. the contrast, the con, the cunning, the play-on-words, the pun, the perfection. no meanings that anyone can complain, not a reason for what i say except that it sounds good, it feels good, it makes enough sense for the moment. the moment of the meantime, the moment that we get away from it all. the moment that you look up and see only stars and wonder, you wonder why man finds himself such a big fucking deal.

run away and tell me your secrets, i tell you mine. it's the silences. again, again, again i tell you, it's the silences that differs this moment from the rest of them. run away with me! it's not the passion, it's the saturation, the satiated chill, the brisk air, the spaces. the spaces, the environment, the impalpable but internally heavy.

run away with me and make it better.

2005-12-07T16:13:00.000+08:00

haha. read your blog jiayu! haha thanks anyways :)
im supposed to start revision today! but obviously im too lazy for my own gd.

my oma is such a -----. i pity my mum. if i ever get a mother-in-law like her, i rather be single cuz i dont think i will be able to take it.
this morning, she bitched to my mama that mama focused my attention at me, and i keep on buyin what i want yesterday.
fyi, i only bought one freaking bra. and purse for her and socks for daddy xmas prezie was bought along with her.
do you know we spent 45mins in one freaking men's undergarments shop just because she couldnt decided which boxers to buy for my dad for christmas. but really, i dont like the idea of a mum buying undergarments for her already-had-a-family son, this kind of kinky stuffs should be done by the wife, it would be more loving and fun. and i only bought the socks within that 45 minutes because mum asked me to.
20 minutes in a shop because she cant decide on which purse to choose.
another 25 minutes on a shoe shop because she was deciding on that pair of shoes.
another 10 minutes in another shoe shop.
and another 7 minutes in yet another shoe shop.

20 minutes in a bra shop, cuz mum is buying new bra for my sis, and within tt tim was the time i got myself the bra.
15 minutes in crossover, another 15 in orange. 20 minutes in vincci.
and thats all for me. thank you very much.

who is she to complain?
she wants to talk about me spending time looking at my stuffs only. then she can jolly well compare it with my monday date with wong boyu. maybe then she will realise what it means to really shop for myself.

i cant stand people like her. really. i can go on and on and on about what a fucktard she really is. but because my mum taught me about basic respect. i will shut up about it.

and im so glad mama defended me when she told my mum "your daughter loves to go out all the time".
after all, you really hafta ask me at least one week in advance. im just too tired and lazy to go out otherwise.
for the simple fact, i live in malaysia. i dont like to go allllllll the way from malaysia out to singapore, and allll the way back. it sounds like nothing to you. well, wait until you try it.
anyway, i have the whole of school days to go out. of course i deserve to stay at home when i have the chance. :)

2005-12-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

happy 17th birthday to me~

ah ha! apparently im no longer sweet 16. and i can no longer sing my "i am 16 going on 17" song anymore.
ok la. no big deal la. i celebrate my birthday every year anyway. haha.

okok! before i talk about today, lets talk about yesterday!

after 3 weeks, i FINALLY went out with my beloved bf. finally see his face. haha. he has many fats now! whilst my tummy is getting flatter. lesson learn: the less i exercise, the better my body is. hehes. so yes, akira has flabby fats.
and i am more tann than him. he is just rosy beidge. like girl. hehes.

anyway. once again he made me wait for 2-3minutes. or was it 5? still i waited la.
and we went to plaza sing to watch aeon flux. i think the movie is so cool la. really. i still like the grass part, so chio. the movie aint like totally awesome until die die must watch but it was worth watching la.
oh and i got my bf to buy burger king kids meal cuz they got the free toy that is so cool! i am not sure if the thing can eat anot. akira say cannot eat, but it seems so tempting to eat to me.
oh and the shirt he bought for me was love. especially when its purple somemore. i dont own a purple shirt but i had been searching for one. apparently he had gotten me one, so i shuang lo! and its in those sparkling stick-on diamonds thingy i think. so nice! although it was kind of too big cuz he got me M size and its long enough to be a dress, initially i wanted my mum to alter it, but yet it looks kinda cool when i tuck it in a little. so im not gonna alter the shirt at all. the shirt is really pretty la, even though its abit oversize but i think i look good in that shirt, so nvm lo! haha. *hugs akira*
do you know that akira got me waiting outside the toilet because he was playing with the stupid hand dryer thing inside? and its obvious he was playing. especially when i was outside waiting for him and i keep on hearing the hand dryer thing being used, i half figured he is the culprit. and when he came out with that silly cheeky grin, CONFIRM IS HIM AH! *roll eyes* my bf la hor. haha.
anyway, after the movie, we went to queenstown in search for the whitegold nike shoe i wanted to buy. and well we saw it la, but.... i realize a flaw in that shoe that i never noticed when i fell in love with it for the first time. it got me having second thoughts about buying that shoe because that flaw kind of ruin the whole glam thing and akira say the sole aint good, i most prollie will slip and fall after wearing it for a few months. so... i didnt buy lo.
went to far east's long john for lunch. stupid bf loves to play with my nose, and he got back more than he deserves in the end. heh heh. *evil grins* i showed him the shoe that me and gina saw the other time, he also agreed that it looks nice. but it has black! and im so sick of black after wearing black for this year. so no no no.
we head to heeren to do a lil x'mas shopping for my sister. she wanted the mean girls soundtrack and it costed $43. so damn ex la. even the memoirs of geisha soundtrack is 20 bucks cheaper. so i didnt buy lo. went look look around, and i found my new pair of gorgeous shoes! i had 2 shoes to choose from intially, one was white and pink, another was gold. each pretty in its own way and unique in its own way too. so i was really spoilt for choice. we intially wanted to choose the white and pink one, but after trying on, the gold one looked unexpectedly pretty cool too. at that point of time i really dont know which to choose, the bf insisted on the gold one. so... i got a gold shoe! i wont elaborate more. you all shall see when school reopens. and i really doubt anyone will own it. which is so so cool.but if got ppl own then nvm, cuz i think that really will be fate. haha.
but i also want to buy the white and pink shoes next time.
now... i want a rusty gold anklet to go along with the shoes! hehes.
and i think i need to find/buy a new brown slingbag that mats love to carry, cuz that seems to suit the shoes too. actually i have, its with xinchi. but i dont know if its spoilt already anot...
oh then after that, the bf and me went all the way to centrepoint to buy my mama xmas undies! cuz she wants. intially wanted to buy some stuffs from body shop for oma, but it doesnt seem her type. oh bother. why dont people put up a wishlist like i do? it will be so much more easier for everyone..
then, as usual, he sent me to novena and we parted there lo!

hey bf. sorry to make you go through all my non-stop whinings, complains, criticism, sarcasm, insults, embarrasing stunts and pranks, pinches, bites and all forms of torture i am capable of doing. although i know its painful and you "ren" them all, i still know that you miss them and yearn for them. right right right? hehes. i love you anyway. haha.

ok now finally, today!

thanks gina.shihui.adeline. for that pretty box of body shop perfumes. im lik having so much fun mixing them around
thanks mr soh for the selfmade white rose. haha. first time teacher give me bday present sia.
and...
thanks wong boyu marcell akira for all the prezies you bought for me! so sweet.
my sister and i stare at the nodding thingy for 15mins. now headache. haha! and the bracelets are nice la hor. and the teenyweenylil keychain. haha. muackz. and i really really love the shirt. so dont worry anymore la hor!

oOo! and..
thanks akira, alex, mr soh, sheri, mimi, maya, gracie, nadiamybaby, gena dear, julius, eugene cousin, yen sze and cherng yo cuzzie for the birthday wishes. its in order from the earliest, which was 12:02. haha.
and thanks nina and cousin eugene for the kiasu advanced b'day wishes too. keke. love you guys :)
nina u just love wishing me happy birthday right? haha.

i went shopping with mama, oma and sister. it wasnt a delightful experience but nvm, i will focus on the happy parts.
we went to my fave jap restuarant and eat so much i was so full.
then, window shopped here and there, didnt find much of what i want. i saw this nice nice shoe in bronze and some sparkly diamond, cuz rm49.90. mama think its not worth it but im in love with it. SHLD I BUY?! comment pretty pls. :)
and i bought this nice nice blue triump bra, or is it beegees. either one, i bought it la k. like finally. i wanted the pink one, but dont have anymore. so blue it shall be. i still want my 3 other bras though. then i will have 11 bras. i think its very little. i want more. im greedy. hehes.

nice nice white chocolate birthday cake from seasons. daddy agreed to allow me to buy a whole cake from either coffee bean or starbucks for my 18th birthday, much to the horror of my mum. i heart daddy! haha.
oh and daddy was so sweet, i was taking out the plates for dinner, and daddy -who just came back from work- went in singing a birthday song and hug and kiss me. haha so sweet. he always does that when its a good occasion, no matter how pissed he is on that day. and heidi got jealous, cuz immediately after that she start jumping at my dad, haha cutes.

so ya la. thats all for today. tata

2005-12-02T21:11:00.000+08:00

i am having an extremely huge craving for lobster. it started yesterday...
anyone wants to help me satisfy my craving? *blink blink*
im not kidding. serious.

oma got this winter chocolate from germany. its meant for winter. thats why its called "winter schokolade". mit stuckchew von zimtsterne. i dont know what exactly it means, i think is with some biscuits meant for x'mas and cinammon. at least the picts have them, and it taste like it. nice i tell ya. save one for the bf. one only. cuz the rest are eaten by everyone. lol.

ive yet to do my diy french manicure. or else not nice ah. 2 days.

most of my friends have started some revision but i haven. oh god. how lazy can i be. i have been givin excuses to myself that i will do it after my bday. but wld i really do it? i dont know. like not much time left... oh dear.

sherri is sucha dear. haha. she cured me from my boredom and now we are discussing some stuffs that i hafta ask her bf to help draw. its so cool la. he draws the thing i like alot. hehe. i really hope he buy the airbrush thing quick quick. hahaha. :X
im not using her bf hor. hehes.

heidi looks like a tomboy now. because my mum cut her hair. i laughed at her everytime i walk past her cuz she looks so cute la! haha. like boy lidat. wahaha.
i almost stepped on her just now because i was walking down the stairs and she just ran past me. she does that all the time! and she gets away with it because shes small.

the song better together is stuck in my head. :)

too much

2005-12-02T16:18:00.000+08:00

my birthday is coming.
and guess what..
im not overly excited about it. im not being extremely elated/happy about it.
im dreading it.

not because im getting older. no. who the fuck cares if im getting older.

its just the problems that are adding up to my already too many unsolved problems.

i need someone to cheer me up because its just so shitty. and thank god i do have la. people that makes me laugh as though i just ate the magic mushroom.

birthdays are suppose to be happy occasions, thats why its called happy birthday. so how do you celebrate when youre upset. so must be happy. so be nice and stop making me frown.
really la, from family to friends. there just got to be someone from each category upsetting me la. and its worst when they dont do it normally but just start doing it.

and its sad when happy couples you know arent together anymore. sometimes its the way by seeing them that you want yours to work out cuz everyone wants a fairy tale ending in the end dont they? tho i must admit. singlehood somehow is better la. at this age at least. and i have many examples and evidence to proove my point. from many relationships i have seen. but it wont be nice to do that. so i wont.

i just remembered there was once julius told me malaysia is 2 minutes slower than sinapore and i actually believed him. im so stupid. haha.

whats love.

pigs!

2005-12-01T20:42:00.000+08:00

i just saw the pics my dad took in penang. i look so god damn tan. or izit black. yet the funny thing is, i dont look that black/tann in person.
i dont think it has got to do with the lights btw..
i so cant wait for him to give me the pics so i can flaunt it! haha.

but i dont look good in some pics...

anyway.

today was nice.

if someone hadnt .it would had been nicer.

anyways...

i meet gena in the morning. im such an ass, i always wake her up in the wee hours of the morning. not really that early, but pretty early la. but i know she dont mind cuz im her sayang. hehe.
oh and on my way to her house, apparently some cina uncle tried to get my attention while driving past la. he was at the passenger seat, so he just stuck his head out and went "mmuckz". yes EEW. hes fucking disgusting and hes old enough to be my dad. i thought this only happen in my hometown, well it happen in singapore too and that uncle is just so freaking disgusting. i think manjan uncles these days are sick in the mind. just like the other time is the fucking pervert took a pic of me. fucking sick la. may these fucking perverts be castrate with a blunt blunt knife and rub with salt. fun what. pervert somemore lo~
we spent about one hour in her house talking and all. then we head to cwp, planning to return the book i rent la.
but... as i had said. too early! nothing was open yet. and i dont want to sit and rot there, so i called up leoric and we met him up. ended up waiting half hour for him to get ready la, cuz he also want to go orchard cuz he work there. oh i forgot to mention gena n i were such angels to buy green tea for him.
anyway, his gf called up la. then she being you-know-i-know-what-im-saying, we all leave him far far lo. or else lata leoric so sad again... then after the gf alighted at yck for poly, then he come find us.
oh he now owe me a t shirt from freshbox for my bday. :D
and we owe him a spongebob boxer for xmas!
oh i got 2 free sticks of chicken skins from leoric cuz he work there! heh heh. and takas korean food sucks :( waste my $$$
and my white and gold shoe no more liao. damn upset man.
i saw my sec sch frenz in taka! darling eqa! ah beng ben! and kelvin!!! been ages since id saw them! i miss them so la! they had been nice people very nice people!! :D

then he go work liao, so we decided to go window shop. suppose to buy denim skirt. but my daddy didnt give me sufficient moolahs. the moolahs i deserve. :S so only got my own 50bucks and his 10bucks which im suppose to return. lik wth.
ended up not buying denim skirt cuz i wasnt too into it. and some people over reacted and all la. so pissed.
got some cute postcards. so cute.
and my onceuponatime notebook tak ada liao! so sad!! i shld have bought it earlier! i guess i have to lay eyes on the other pretty notebook!

ade finally come, then i saw a bag i fell in love with. so i buy la! shihui they all keep on saying its ugly but i dont think it is la. its pretty! and i dont think the white will turn black ba...
gena fall in love with the clock that cost $180. who wants to share money to buy it for her birthday? i need 19more people.

oh then we were suppose to meet mr soh la, but happily shopping until we forgot about him. until we walked past the escalator when we were suppose to meet him, then we realized. lol.
then no place to go. so we go paragon window shopped and ended up in the coffee bean. mr soh's treat! haha.
i think i had a "suan me" face today. because all of them suan me non stop today la! -_-" or maybe i have it everyday.. cuz it jus aint today..

and finally, miss shihui arrive. we were waiting outside paragon waiting for her, and she scared us all by appearing behind us. oh and while waiting we saw aini!! she pretend not to see us. haha!
anyway after a looooong decision making, we finally decided to eat at cineplex's galelli or however you spell that. order so much food la. shihui make a good waitress haha. we played the blocks thingy. omg when the thing fall its horrible la, we always scream in shock. haha. so paiseh!
the food was hai hao la. stole mr soh's mashed potato cuz hes the onli one with mashed potato. the potato taste good la, shld have choose that instead of fries.
then we took neoprints! wahahahaha.

today was fun la.

2005-11-30T17:29:00.000+08:00

im bored....

anyway, im out with gena they all tml!! confirmed. whees!
but i dont know what to wear. half of them are in the washing machine.

oh ya. i forgot to say, im not gonna put the levis jeans in my wish list anymore. because... i went to try many different pairs of jeans in penang. and none of them fit me. because i have fat thighs. i have no choice but to slim down first before buying it. and that will take very long cuz im lazy. so no more! hehes.

my face the so called pimples are like gone la, but the scars are still there. which is not nice. pouts.

my bf jus got bushuang cuz i called this sweetest cutest thing on earth my bf... dont ask why.
i dont know.....

yes this cute little baby cousin of mine.. oh well. nvm...

im playing hexic. i still want to beat cw high score. some day... *evil grin*

back at last

2005-11-30T14:20:00.000+08:00

yes im back at home. at last. im still so tired..

lets talk about my trip. but sorry, pics are not up yet. i hafta wait for my dad and cuzzies to give me cuz i didnt take any with my own cam. malas. hehes.

ok friday morning. boom boom boom. 8 hours to penang. i slept half of my journey and my earphones didnt left my ears at all, except when i went to the toilet.
finally reached penang. stayed at golden sands resort again. had a small lunch before getting ready for the night.
i took much more time than i thought i would, but anyway in the end i was done and we were all ready to go. oh ya, i wore the same thing i wore to the wedding. save that money to buy more stuffs for me, or as mama said so. haha.
intially i felt uncomfortable, like its too formal and all for the dinner, cause most of them were in t shirts n jeans. but when i saw my cousin, meiting. boy, i felt damn relieved. i wasnt the only one after all. haha.
so ya. we cousins were together like finally. many of the lim family turned up, and we kids were like introduced from one table to another. in the end, we refused to move from our seats, so they hafta come instead. duo pai. haha.
then there were these mothers cousin children, which i dont know the actual way of callin them, so lets just call them cousins cousins. and we all exchanged email add and all. they were more friendly than me. haha.
anyway, the food wasnt that nice la. but the company was great. my youngest baby cousin is the cutest. so adorable! he kissed me on my cheek! so cute. then his favourite word is "bu yao". hes just 1 years old. awww! and we took so much pics my cheeks got numb.
after that we went to some ktv to sing. so fun. adults vs us. it was damn fun la. even tho the songs available were kinda old. we kept on singing "wu ding".
my sister was being a wet blankie though. she wasnt comfortable with everything so she was giving that black face that annoyed me totally. my granny was pretty selfish, she wanted the big double bed for herself and expected us to squeeze in that single bed. in the end we didnt la, my sis and i slept on that bed which we fight over the blanket for the whole night.

saturday was big family outing day. 4 cars went round island. stopped many times to eat at the roadside stalls which was love. than we saw two funerals. one chinese and one malay. we had a good laugh at it cuz yesterday was ah gong bday and today theres two funerals. we all joked that we will win 1st prize of toto but we didnt la.
then we went to my mums cousin bungalow to have the family bbq. we had our own family meeting in other peoples house and made many inside jokes.
oh and we pay our respects to our great granny. but the weird thing is, there werent any thing that represent her. just that wooden board. *shrugs*
finally we left, but i didnt had a good night sleep because my granny snored the night away. how miserable was that.

sunday. i woke up with ultra foul mood cuz of that snore.
did some shopping. which actually i rather laze at the hotel la. my mum and i quarreled in the middle of the street cuz of some misunderstanding. everyone was staring but we dont care, cuz we were just so darn pissed la. in the end she gave in. and all was settled when we went to some stalls to eat. the rojak was so nice, the ice kacang was so different and the fried kuay teow was yummilicious.
after that we went back to our hotel, had a little walk on the beach. i dont know why but the sand seem too coarse and ended up hurting my feet. i made my mum carry me, and she dragged me into the sea. haha.
oh and before that, parent had a little arguement. in the end my dad give in. so cute la, my dad go and sayang my mum and tried to soothe her anger in public. actually is abit disgusting la, seeing your parents do that. but still, first time.
ok anyway, we went to have some cocktails, each person had one glass. 1st time cuz dad dont encourage us in drinking. my sis was horrible, she drank as tho it was sprite.
dinner at some italian restuarant. that restuarant is love. damn good food.
i couldnt sleep at night again, cuz apparently, there was this mosque just beside the hotel, so in the middle of the night, there was this praying, so clearly loud it shocked me from my sleep.

monday. we were supposed to spent the day in the hotel to relax.
ended up, we went up that stupid dont know what thingy, some railway cable car thingy or whatsoever which is completely redundant because theres so many people and theres nothing to see on top. its so different from hongkong. hongkong was love. damn nice. but penang one wasnt. spent 30minutes just to get up, another 30 just to get down. complete waste of time i tell you.
ended up having lunch at 5. how sad was that.
by the time we reached the hotel, the sun was down. there goes my supposedly relaxing holiday.
and i dont hafta tell you about how my night went la hor.

tuesday. finally can go home!
i slept half the journey again. and im back. and well, this is how not nice the hols is. i need to make up for my deprived sleep and my bf is coming back. cant wait to go out with my dears on thursday! whee~

Stickwithu

2005-11-24T21:03:00.000+08:00

I don't want to go another day

So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind

Seems like everybody is breaking up

Throwing their love away

I know I got a good thing right here

That's why I say (Hey)

Nobody's going to love me better

I'm going to stick with you

Forever

Nobody's going to take me higher

I'm going to stick with you

You know how to appreciate me

I'm going to stick with you

My baby

Nobody ever made me feel this way

I'm going to stick with you

I don't want to go another

So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind

See the way we ride

In our privated lives

Ain't nobody getting in between

I want you to know that you're the only one for me

And I say

Nobody's going to love me better

I'm going to stick with you

Forever

Nobody's going to take me higher

I'm going to stick with you

You know how to appreciate me

I'm going to stick with you

My baby

Nobody ever made me feel this way

I'm going to stick with you

And now

Ain't nothing else I can need

And nowI'm singing

'cause you're so, so into me

I got you

We'll be making love endlessly

I'm with you

Baby, you're with me

So don't you worry about

People hanging around

They ain't bringing us down

I know you and you know me

And that's all that counts

So don't you worry about

People hanging around

They ain't bringing us down

I know you and you know me

And that's why I say

Nobody's going to love me better

I'm going to stick with you

Forever

Nobody's going to take me higher

I'm going to stick with you

You know how to appreciate me

I'm going to stick with you

My baby

Nobody ever made me feel this way

I'm going to stick with you

PSLE release day

2005-11-24T16:55:00.000+08:00

i was forced to wake up in the morning because my sister is taking her results today. oh well she took liao la, hai hao lo. she got A for chinese. mummy so proud of it. haha.
we made the decision of the six choices for the school she want. im glad shes steering clear from riverside. hope she gets into woodlands ring sec. ziyang can take care of her. :)
oh wells we will know it all on 22nd dec.

i meet darling mimi today to borrow discman since b1 is so unreliable. and im so thankful to her cousin la, who help me in burning hundred plus songs into the cd. it was so last minute i tell you, i asked him at around midnight telling him i want it before noon today. and he did. so nice. so thankful to him. my 8 hours car trip to penang will not be hellish anymore! *hugs the nachz ppl*
oh and we went a little prom shopping just now because tomorrow is her prom!!!! shes gonna be dressed in maroon red. chilli padi hot! haha. i hope she finally bought a pair of nice red shoes. haha.

bought some earphones. discussed with mum about what phone i want for christmas. yes, that ancient phone is finally going. but actually im really comfortable using it la. but nvm. i hope i got that phone. not the cheaper one. cuz i prefer that la!
i didnt manage to get my denim skirt in the end, but! i actually chance upon my sabina bra at john little! so its not at metro afterall, but in john little all along! i want. nicenicenice!

i miss my bf.
we had a little smsing session just now. the topic was cute la. hes so guai. haha.

anyway i want to slaughter zhenhui. he called me when im already in malaysia, refusing to tell me his name properly. i got slightly rude to him la cuz i thought it was some ahbeng.
and when i called him back, he never picked up. hes such a kuku la.
but i think hes back in johor. or else he wont call me. but im going penang tomorrow.. so sad.

hafta wake up in the wee hours tomorrow morning. thinking of the 8 hour car trip makes me sian. why cant we take the stupid plane....

oh bother.

random thoughts

2005-11-23T19:45:00.000+08:00

when the days get too bored, and im left with nothing to do, i just sit and think of stuffs and wonder how and why did i fucked my life away. and i feel like burying myself whenever i think of it.
if i were to reflect what i had done, i feel that they are nothing but mistakes after mistakes after mistakes. though they may not be repeated mistakes, i still wonder when the fuck will i ever do things right.

i have so many expectations. for me. and people around me. yet i never once fufil it. i just give up halfway through. i just go "aiya, nvm la, forget it" but then by the end of the day, i realise i just didnt benefit from anything. well yes i dont like losing out. like come on you prefer losing out or gaining something. after everything is done, you still want to gain something dont you?

just like i told my mum. i will never request for something that i had a feeling i will be rejected on. reason is, i cant stand rejections. i can stand failures and giving up on stuffs, but i just cant stand rejections. not that im boasting, but like the guys i "jio-ed" or wanted to have. i only got rejected twice, but thank god, cuz both guys look ugly and are a failure now so no loss for me. and other than that, its either i got them, or i didnt even bother to ask. i rather save my pride and look independent than look pathetic by getting rejected. many of you may beg to differ. but this is just my point of view.

and i look at myself now. i wonder what the fuck had i been doing for this whole year. if i have to be brutually honest with myself, i had not been myself in this school. i reflect back on how i had been acting and i feel embarrassed of myself. i feel so lame. like a loser. my actions had been stupid. if i compare it to secondary school life, although at some point its pathetic, which i think its only because of me being in that loser relationship, but at least i was absolute clear in what im doing.

come to think about it. i never seem to learn from any relationships i came out from. although they may shown how strong i can be. but thats that. i continue doing the mistakes again. even words of advice my homies gave, "dont jump into a relationship" for the simple reason for having a guy appreciating more, and maybe for the fact that i wont feel so awkward after facing the ex, you know like you dump him for god-knows-what-reason but then shortly after im with him, though to many it seems nothing, but to me, theres just this something. yes pride again. its a socalled pride and one of the rules i have for myself. its just something i always tell myself not to do and all. and i ended up doing. and though its not the first time i break my own rules. but when you think about it, you will realise you let yourself down. get it?

i have quite alot of expectations in a relationship because i feel i deserve to be treated that way. but then when love comes and me having no patience. all expectations is just gone at that moment. and when im finally in a relationship, when i finally woke up for a moment, i realise i had not gotten what i want jus cuz of that spur of the moment that got me just wanting everything so badly that im willing to sacrifice everything only to realise in the end i dont like what im ended up in.
and me being me, i hate rejecting people, i hate breaking peoples heart, i hate people disliking me, i hate dumping people, i hate feeling bad. and therefore i rather stick and suffer in it, hoping one day that guy will wake up and dump me.
i dont feel bad about being dump, i dont feel anything to be ashame of being dump. for the simple fact because he dump me. its his loss, not mine. and when one does that, i will just take it as a challenge, to make myself better, to let him know what hes losing out. even though im not sure if it ever worked, at least i feel great about myself.

seriously. i suck at relationship. im not afraid to admit that. i used to love commitment. the idea of being together with a person till the end of time sound sweet. but that idea fades as time goes. somtimes im afraid to commit. because im just 16 going on 17. im just so young. and im not planning to get married until im 25 and above. and in fact 28/29 sounds nice. i dont want to lose out in everything life can give because i only live once. i dont believe in rebirth or afterlife. they just seems weird. i do wonder whats it like after i die. do i just die like that, and no more? or is there more to it, and things will just go on... its just unthinkable.
but still, that doesnt mean i cant commit. i can. i may have eye candies and infatuations here and there, but you cant deny feelings. they just come. you cant push them away, cuz they will just come back even more. just as long as i dont fool around doing stuffs with people, just hanging out like me with my girlfriends -minus the i hug my gfs n kiss em which i dont do to my guyfrenz-, i dont find it wrong. i still consider that faithful. and honestly, im thankful that akira had that much trust in me. to not mine me hanging out with my guy friends even if its just one guy and me. which i dont consider as a date btw, for the simple fact that theres no romance involve.

i want to type more. but i forgot all i wanted to type. just all these.

too bad if its offensive and disturbing to some people. this is just me. im not you. so yea.

and i do admit, im pretty selfish, selfcentered, self obsessed bla bla bla, just anything but selfless. but thats just me.

love me or hate me.

this is just one of the times, i dont care about people hating me. :)

oh bother.

2005-11-23T13:51:00.000+08:00

oh bother bother.

i still need someone with a fax machine. i guess i hafta call moe again. oh bother. but the person in moe is so nice. so polite.

mama never cook lunch. i hafta cook maggie mee. oh bother.

my mp3 is only done by next week, which is a bother, i will hafta call up and borrow one from b1. oh bother.

the trip to penang is extended to tuesday, and im not yet prepared at all! what a bother..

i have two days only to get rid of all the blemishes, pimples and all imperfections outta my face or else i will be facing many remarks. damn bothersome la. i hope witch hazel products works like magic. which actually they do. thats why i buy them. i should have bought it way earlier though..

oh god. i need to get ready for the dinner. and im not ready. hafta prepare all makeup and all. i feel like bringing my whole room there man.

i hate b1. liar liar noti liar.

im waitin for the bf to give me THE password. wahaha.

other than that.

im bored

and i dont want to mop the floor

and
and
and

i feel like lazing around...

and

anders.... hehehehehhehehhehe. hahhahahaha. i just cant stop laughing. i told kira liao. wahahahaa.

MIRWU / MIRSU

2005-11-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

today was pretty nice.

well there was free air con everywhere today cuz it drizzle non stop. a pretty sight it was. even though it got my feet wet and cause my shirt to stink. still i heart rain. :)

my poor son waited for me for 1 hour plus. i was late. *sheepish grin* and i called and called miss lexine but to no avail so i ended up calling her house though she asked me not to. payment is now delayed. in accounting terms its called accured 'something'. or maybe bad debts even. haha. so ya. next week i guess.

so we went to cwp to eat at long john. then window shopped. i finally bought my witch hazel set for just $17.90. its dead darn cheap. whee. theres no gold shoes in cwp. im having second thoughts of owning a crumpler cuz i saw so many people carrying it today. and it didnt help when chongwei keep on pointing, "hey that person got" "hey this one also got". like so common. actually it is la. but the colour combi is pretty. but then... i dont know. haha.
then i saw this nice denim skirt in 77th street that cost $29.90. yes its cheap. and i was pondering over whether to buy it then he say not nice. so fine lo. the billabong one also not nice anyway. so manjan.. i bought two books! one is a chick flick type. another one is memoirs of a geisha. cuz i lost that book. its love i tell you. i cant wait for the movie to come out. thats a mustwatch!

then i wait for him to finish his o's mcq. omg my son is really named vincent in the end! after all we girls making fun of that name last year, he still decided on it. haha. yes. its unique. haha. reminds me of many fond memories last year. *sigh* :)

i met darling jacq at yio chu kang mrt station to watch tens. and darling jacq is so poor with directions, we walked on senseless routes. thanks to me, we finally found our way to the stadium/field. so pathetic lo. thats time i shall guide the way man. haha.
we were just in time for the guys kickoff. so ya. hengs. or else mariam will be so upset cuz this is the first time ever she watching hardi play and she was hurrying us cuz she just dont want to be late. and we got. lost. haha. so ya =D
after the guys finished the game. then they sat in a row in front of me. and i start to miss my bf. badly. i just felt lost la. like something is just missing and its him. cuz whenever theres a rugby game i always see him. but not today. suddenly i wonder what i come for sia. haha. then hardi saw mariam and all. then we started talking about how the other time me and jacq went to yjc to watch the guys play. then when akira saw me, he gave this big huge smile, like very happy like that. something like this ---> :D hehes. and how he actually noticed mushroom head's dreamcatcher earring yet failed to notice my brandnew earrings that i worn just for him. pouts. lol.
i miss him. 12 more days before i can see him again...
oh ya. me and jacq took nice nice pics. :)

then i saw my friend alex alone watching rugby. so since im about to go liao. i pei him for awhie, talk talk and command on how the SAS guys play. there was this hott caucasian guy from SAS, no 5. he looked hotter when he never wear his jersey la. but anyway. we were laughing and commenting about him la. hes hott. yea sure. but when he play, its.... erms. hehes. looks and talents dont necessary go. not hott liao. haha.

so then after that i rushed home. i was supposed to leave there by 5. but decided to watch the guys play another match before leaving. so take taxi lo. i thought i was very late, turns out my mum was even later. so im finally back home. i just realise i can sms using my starhub hp in msia. which is like so cool lo.

now i need someone to help me fax some dumb thing.

white and gold makes me glow!

2005-11-21T16:53:00.000+08:00

im so tired.

oh wells, on friday, i went with mama to marsiling primary school to see my sis go on stage to claim her 3rd prize. akira is right, i do love lil boys. they are so cute. i want to watch them play rugby la. the school should have put up some pictures about them playing it. it will be so cute.

anyway, after that we spent a little time in cwp. bought my cinderella shirt. and we head town. zara is my paradise. my love. i always manage to buy shirts from there that suits me. and yes i got a shirt that goes purfectly well with jeans and denim skirts. i want more. haha.

and we shopped around. i saw this gold shoes from nike. its purfect love. i seriously am crossing my fingers and toes that i dont see anyone wearing that next year because im going to own them soon. to those who read my blog, please dont be a bitch and purposely go and buy it after reading this entry ya? its very very much appreciated. especially after i flood my boyfriend's inbox telling, begging and convincing him about it. and he agreed. so gold for us! :D

we decided to indulge in haagen daaz. yumyum! and guess who i saw again while indulging in my sweet delight. yup!
fauzie and his girl.
i think im so fated to see them both though i dont though why. its not the first time though. i can even see them while being at boonlay with nina and nich. i always see them when im out with company. so. weird.

then saturday noon went to fetch oma.

it was stupid. my mum just didnt want to listen. we ended up wasting time in the highway.

wanted to buy sabina bra. but apparently robinsons no longer have it. how sad. guess i hafta switch back to pierre cardin again. green green! i want!

then we went back to the airport again, this time to fetch my papa. he got us chocolates! yeas!

yesterday went to the club to swim. 50laps. hai hao la. i wanted to swim more, but my body couldnt take it, so i stop lo. the water was cold, the weather was cool. i couldnt stand it, so i went to the jacuzzi. it was a disappointment because the water wasnt hot. so i went to the steamroom with my sister. that was heaven. hot VS cold.

people in the club prefer my sister because she is damn fair. they dont look at me twice because im tann. how. stupid. you can see how they try to find nice words to compliment me. just because im tann and dont look like a caucasian/eurasian like i should be. how. stupid. if they actually focus on our features. they will realise i look more eurasian than my sister because my features look more like my dad than my mum. its just that im tann. therefore i dont deserve to be looked at twice by those aunties. how. stupid. its ok though. cuz its no loss of mine. :)

its nearing one month into the hols and i haven even touch my books. sigh. oh dear.
i had been too lazy to do so.
thats all.
tata.

And though you protest

Your disinterest

I know clandestinely

You're gonna grin and bear it

Your new found popularity

La la la la

You'll be popular

Just not as quite as popular

As me!

tomboys and ah lians.

2005-11-17T17:24:00.000+08:00

i just had this fight with my sister. catfight you call that. hit the hell out of each other. she freaked out when i aimed her face area. now my mum is siding her cuz she cried. i dont think this is pretty much fair though.

she started disrespecting me, yelling at me like nobody's business when my mum was asking me some questions. she claimed that she was just asking me question, ya right. asking me in a tone filled with bu shuang and attitude problem. whoever who heard it of course will get pissed off. anyone but my mum of course.

so when i bu shuang, i fight la. thats what happen when i was in primary school. fight with that jiayaw. comparing my height with him then is like comparing my height with akira now. hes the tallest guy in my bus la. so ya, i started first. cuz she triggered me. she fight back ma. so fine lo, fight fight. mum didnt say anything then. so continue fighting.

it almost ended with a laugh. but we being stubborn asses who never will give in, we continue fighting until i hit her face. that cause her to fight even harder and when i did it the second time, she pushed me out, locked the door and cried. and that marks the end of the fight. fair enough? but no. mum just had to comment and give her tips. i dont think its fair. my sister is like taller and bigger than me, she could have won that fight easily, but its just caused im so used to it, i won. but my mum just think im too rough and fucked up. and now even she is pissed with me. now thats really unfair. she didnt say anything when we fight, if i had lost, she would have said i deserve it. but now cuz my sister lost, i still got blame for everything. just because im older.

i know i ought to be ashame of myself. fighting with a girl 5 years younger than me when im already going to be 17 soon. but hey. this is not the first time. she had been acting arrogant ever since she became miss popular in school. and she still act that way at home. she only act like a doll to my mum at home but when we are out, she yell at my mum. i will never yell at my mum in public even if she embarrassed me, cuz thats my basic respect for her. but my sister doesnt. but my mum decides to forsee this just because of the fact she bothered to make coffee for mum in the morning. you get what i mean? just because i dont do these special stuffs because im not a romantic darling person who shows her affection to people. i prefer to do it discreetly. even if i adore and love my mum, i wont do it cuz i just cant bring myself to because of my pride. my pride of being strong and nonchalant to shits.

my sister dares to show her emotions, she cries as and when she wants. but its not like the way she hit me didnt hurt. i just choose to pretend the pain doesnt exist because i dont want to cry in front of her. ah whatever. they will never understand. too ignorant and stubborn to. they never admit its their mistakes.

just like just now. i just painstakingly copied down the score for the piano duet in corpse bride. i thought my sister can play with me since she learns piano too. but hell no. every note she played was a mistake. and she just wont admit she played the wrong key. being so pissed i asked her to fuck off. i give up on her. sometimes shes such a doll. but most times she just a fucking pain in the ass.

it doesnt help that since oma will be coming here for the next 2 months, my sister will be sharing my room with me. yes, let us welcome 2 months of blackmailing, catfights, yellings, invasion of my privacy, and the lists goes on. how fortunate...

i was telling mum last night about bobbie and how i cant stand her tomboyish ways and how --- she looks because of the way she acts. i asked her if i ever was a tomboy, she said ya, during my lower sec days. but im no longer one now. no wonder akira said im every bit as girlish as i should be when i once asked him that. BUT. mum said my actions are very rough and tough, not at all demure as a girl should be.. oh well. shrugs. she will never understand....

If I touch a burning candle I can feel the pain

If you cut me with a knife it's still the same

And I know her heart is beating

And I know that I am dead

Yet the pain here that I feel

Try and tell me it's not real

For it seems that I still have a tear to shed

take me away

2005-11-16T17:02:00.000+08:00

my boyfriend left for taiwan at 11am. he say he will reach there at nights. i want to go too!! haha.

a chicken just flew into my house cuz some dogs were chasing it. the poor frightened animal. it was damn scared la. anyway my house is not anywhere near any kampungs hor. thank you.

*snorts* im pretty bored now. sooooo... i went to tidy up my room and took some nice nice pics...

before i tided up this mini vainity compartment. erm yes, this is how untidy i can get. =X

tadah! and thats how neat i can get! right side is where all my bags are, not much bags i have, but i still find that space abit too cramp and the left side is where all the stuffs that doll me up go to. they are placed in many many boxes/containers/cases for easy finding. :)

this is the other part of my vainity set. my parents called it the "makeup table" la, but i dont really consider it as one. anyway, there used to be a mirror to cover that whole big section, but that mirror fell off, so i hafta wait until my dad finally have the time to fix it back. so for the time being it will look like this lo. above is my small trophy collection i got from riverside. lalas.

my mini perfume collection. jiayu and meileng will be adding one to the j.lo collection on my birthday! so happy!

maya and me at sakae sushi. took tonsa pic before we are finally satisfied with it. keke.

gena dear and me at sakae. :)

this is from...

one of the nice nice undies darling lois got for me! :D

ninzie and me. ugly feet. hehes

nicholas's back. *grumbles*

i happened to chance upon this. this is a pic taken during xinchi's bday in yr 2003. the main focus on this photo ends up to be melody, the horrible "ghost" in the background. its claimed to be a very good way to protect you from other ghost. lol.

charming iskandar and me. hes still as sweet as the OG days. took good care of us girls in the mountain biking trip. :D
however. i look like a dwarf beside him. haha.

me.shaiful.grace.
mini 05C2 gathering at the end of the camp. hes our new sugar daddy since our dear daryl is gonna be gone. :S

us 3 again. i hate this shirt cuz i look like some factory worker in it. the shirts in this school are always too big for me. no idea why. *sigh*

oh wells. its raining now. reminds me of the biking day. so much fun then.
anyway thats all la. tata~~

plans

2005-11-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

oOo. id finally got some plans for this week....

apparently, my dad is going to the malaysia airport, so no chance of saying hiiiii to my bf tml. :s *hugs*
so anyway, im gonna call up creative tomorrow and asked about my mp3. i miss it... i cant imagine going all the way to penang with no song stuck in my head. so its a must!

thursday i will still be saying at home. unless someone ask me out, which i highly doubt so. sads.

friday, well, apparently my sister actually got 3rd so she got this prize giving day. so me, being her ultra-loving-caring-spontaneous sister, was invited with honour to watch the boring ceremony take place and take some pictures to make my mother happy. and after that, we will go to the creative company to ~~demand~~ take back my beloved longlost mp3. akira i forgot which bus to take... and... i think i forgot how to walk there too... :s
so ya, thats about it for friday, we will do a lil shopping too bah. cant do much with her or she will tell my mum all about it...

saturday will be the day oma come. we gonna do a lil lingerie shopping and grocery shopping too. i just told mum about my longing for that new sabina bra, i hope she will buy it or i really will sulk the whole day. i just want that bra la... especially my mum is going to buy my sis new bras and she refused to buy me one cuz she say i got too many bras, which is of course deem little to me. she relented when i told her about the buy 2 free 1 offer. lol. i just hope she will buy la k!!!!

sunday i will have piano then go to the club to swim swim and torture myself in the steamroom.

monday. longyun bday. no plans. daddy come back sumore.

tuesday. zhenhui bday. provided hes back in jb. mummy allowed btw.

wednesday. nobody bday. no plans. [maybe meet lexine. $$]

thursday. PSLE results release day for my sister. i wanna see how she score, so i surely will be out with my mum. most prollie meet lexine. moolahs!

friday im off to penang. grandpa's 80th bday. grand dinner.

saturday beach touch.gonna miss it.

sunday still in penang.

monday home sweet home.

and that week and the week after i will be out almost daily. for my bday celebration. hehes.

and thats how planless and boring my plans are. thats what happen when you are borned in such a boring place with such a boring and conservative environment. you get my life. :)

loooong survey

2005-11-15T19:16:00.000+08:00

0001. first name; alene
0002. middle name; dont have :s
0003. last name; breddemann.
0004. nicknames; skudaian, msia minah and the list goes on man.
0005. how old are you; 16 going on 17
0006. when's your birthday; 6/12. [20 more days!! *HINTS*]
0007. what hospital were you born in; i dont know, it got demolished.
0008. do you have any siblings; yes lo.
0009. what are their names; Joann, Heidi. [shes a dog but i still regard her as my sister, cuz shes soooo cute!!]
0010. what colour eyes do you have; Brown.
0011. what colour hair do you have; Brown with very few streaks of gold.
0012. how tall are you; very tall!
0013. what are you wearing, list everything; earrings.hairband.shirt.shorts.lingerie.
0014. what five objects are within three feet of you: so many... bags.handbook.files.pens.letters..
0015. whats the question here: huh?
0016. hear anything; some birds chirping.
0017. what are you listening to; songs.
0018. what are you thinking about; the bf and my unfinished work.
0019. are you worried about anything; yes.
0020. what time is it; 7:15pm
0021. are you eating anything right now; pringles.once you pop, you cant stop.
0022. how about drinking; 100+
0023. what do you smell like; i smell like me.
0024. name three of the most embarrassing cds in your collection: bosson.a*teens.tension. = eews.
0025. do you sleep with a stuffed animal; i sleep with a small round pillow!
0026. favourite 80s song; what songs are from the 80s?
0027. do you watch lifetime; whats that?
0028. are you gay; i dont know leiz. i dont think i am but my bf thinks i am.
0029. whats the first thing you notice about the preferred gender: looks and style.
0030. what turns you on about the preferred gender; anything that doesnt makes me feel embarrassed or awkward.
0031. what do you hate about the preferred gender; the way they take so long to understand us thoughts feelings and all. other words, blur.
0032. what song do you totally and completely hate; real to me. irritating man.
0033. what song could you listen to for hours; dont cha, my humps, like a stone, walk away, and alot more...
0034. five favourite cds; this is me then by j.lo, under my skin by avril, and i dont know liao.
0035. do you download music; lalaya.
0036. how many cds from the following people do you own:britney spears; 1
0037. christina aguilera; 0 [i love her though, but had all her songs d/led, so no pnt. hes]
0038. weezer; 0
0039. incubus; 00
040. backstreet boys; 1.
0041. nsync; 0
0042. hanson; 0
0043. dashboard confessional; 0
0044. jimmy eat world; 0
0045. tatu; 1
0046. mariah carey; 0
0047. good charlotte; 0
0048. michelle branch; 0
0049. rammstein; 0
0050. evanescence; 1
0051. hilary duff; 0
0052. jessica simpson; 0
0053. 98°; 00
054. no authority; 0
0055. lfo; 0
0056. b2k;
00057. 112; 0
0058. eminem; 1
0059. 50 cent; 0
0060. jay z; 0
0061. aaliyah; 0
0062. nirvana;
00063. eve; 0
0064. bright eyes; 0
0065. a perfect circle; 0
0066. nas; 0
0067. do you have a crush; ya, with 3 other guys.
0068. are you a racist; lalas~.
0069. do you shop at hot topic; huh.
0070. are you old; no!!.
0071. are you sexy; winkwink. haha
0072. will you go out with me?; no.
0073. are you anti-social; depends on the mood.
0074. do your parents think you are; no.
0075. do they nag you constantly to get out of the house; yes.they want me in the house, but want me out as well cuz i irritate them too much.
0076. have you ever shoplifted; yes, but it was cuz the queue was too long.
0077. are you tired; hai hao lo.
0078. five things you are wearing: 4 only. go figure
0079. five things you are doing right now: doing this, listening to songs, singing, thinking of my bf, planning.
0080. five things you ate in the last 24 hours:pringles. noodles. sourprunes. chewinggum. permissons!.
0081. five things you did so far today: mop the floor.tidied my room.go online.blog.cook rice.
0082. five things you can hear right now: songs playing and me typing.
0083. five thoughts in your head: i want more time with the bf. i miss bf. i want to go out. i want moolahs. i want my mp3 back.
0084. five things you look for when you're picking a girlfriend/boyfriend: looks. make me feel comfortable. can be trust. compromise me, hehes. love me tons tons.
0085. five famous people you'd bang in a second: my phase for going wild over actors is gone liao leiz. but i still love bradpitt when he was in troy, he looked hott then. orlando bloom in lords of the rings only, hes a hott elf. no more liao.
0086. what is your sign; sagittarius.
0087. do you wear glasses; no. puuurfect eyesight.
0088. do you drink; 8 glasses of water a day .
0089. got any pets; yes!.
0090. favourite type of music; anything bah.
0091. favourite actor; i really not into this leiz! orlando bloom. brad pitt. johnny depp?
0092. favourite actress; lucy liu.cameron diaz.sandra bullock
0093. favourite movie; all that id watched la.
0094. favourite soda; 7-up.
0095. favourite food; i love all except fast food.
0096. favourite car; i dont know leiz.
0097. favourite song; i tot i just answered that?
0098. favourite colour; Orange, pink, black, white, lime green, yellow and brown, and the list goes on...
0099. favourite tv show; charmed, cartoons on nickelodeon and the current 9pm one.
0100. favourite brand of beer; jolly shandy. haha
0101. favourite brand of liqueur; i dont reli drink.
0102. favourite brand of clothes; Zara.
0103. favourite online chat thing; thing?
0104. favourite shape; hearts.
0105. favourite texture; silky type.
0106. favourite game; fat boy and the chocolate factory. and the tycoons thing.
0107. favourite place; anywhere as long im in the company i love. i miss bali and hongkong tho.
0108. favourite year; the day i wed.
0109. favourite holiday; christmas. prezies and nice nice food!
0110. favourite animal; small doggies. so cute!
0111. favourite drink; that sweddish berry tea from coffee bean. and banana smoothies!
0112. have you ever lied; im a good liar :)
0113. do you lie often; if i have to.
0114. would you tell a lie that stopped your death but caused the death of your lover; wah so sad ah. if i dont love that lover la.
0115. would you lie to get laid; eew.
0116. are you single; 4 months 12 days ago, yes.i was single. haha.
0117. ever been in love; whats love? how do you know its love?
0118. how many times; after you answered that qns.
0119. looking back do you regret it; i regret my previous relationship very much, yes?
0120. are you happy with your current status?; YES.i think. hehe.
0121. are you still holding on to the past; no, duh~
0122. do the following apply to you: witty: dont think i am.
0123. charming; am i?.
0124. quiet; at times.
0125. loud: im banshee!
0126. pretty; in my own way :).
0127. radical; nonos.
0128. sucky; to people who hates me.
0129. smart; hai hao lo! haha.
0130. stupid; at times.
0131. dumbass; no bah.
0132. ugly; to people who dont like me. haha.
0133. slow; at times.
0134. fast; not really.
0135. talented; i dont know whats my talent!
0136. useless; pretty much. i cant do anything.
0137. punk; i dont suit it. haha.
0138. young; younger then most people.
0139. old; older than my sister.
0140. daring; Yes. *evil grins*
0141. courageous; not when im alone.
0142. caring; to people who deserves it.
0143. powerful; alittle. hehe.
0144. athletic; not really.
0145. artistic; damn.im not creative at all.cant draw anything.
0146. sexy; hey bf, am i sexy? haha.
0147. is the following good or bad: sex; i dont know leiz.
0148. love; good.
0149. happiness; good.
0150. rap; hai hao lo.
0151. pain; good and bad.
0152. pop music; hai hao lo.
0153. anime; hehehehhehehehehehe.
0154. tv; hai hao lo.
0155. country music; BAD.
0156. metal music; hai hao lo.
0157. nu-metal; huh?
0158. death metal; dont listen to that.
0159. industrial; huh?
0160. punk rock; hai hao lo.
0161. easy listening; hai hao lo.
0162. korn; shrugs.
0163. murderous rampages; huh?
0164. sega; huh?
0165. nintendo; hai hao lo.
0166. playstation; never play.
0167. game boy; when i was young...
0168. chinese food; ok la, but getting sick of them. eat too much of it le..
0169. italian food; the cheese... *mouth watering*
0170. japanese food; i like i love!.
0171. mexican food; the cheese and the whatever you call that chips thingy.
0172. online quizzes; when im VERY bored.
0173. online surveys; isnt it almost the same?
0174. what's your deep dark secret; everyone knows my secrets :S
0175. what's your biggest fear; never thought about it.
0176. what is the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you; alot. like falling flat in taka.
0177. would you make a good candidate for jerry springer; no?
0178. do you agree that a dvd is much better than a vhs; shrugs.
0179. do you hate america?; dont care.
0180. do you think bush is doing a good job; not my problem.
0181. are you going to heaven; : if god is nice.
0182. are you going to hell; please no. i promise i will be nice.
0183. first best friend ever; sook fern.
0184. love is; a feeling.an emotion.love laughs and love can make you cry.just you and me and nobody else.
0185. who was your first love; dont know dont care.
0186. love or lust; love and a lil lust to spice it up.
0187. best love song; alot la. the real thing is nice...
0188. is it possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time; shrugs.
0189. when love hurts you; its like something stab into your heart, you look at your hand and it feels you are slitting your wrists yet it feels different when you do it.its an illusion that you cant get rid of.its a nightmare you cant walk away from.
0190. do your parents' opinion of your boyfriend/girlfriend matter to you; ya.
0191. how are you today; bored and full of missingyous.
0192. what does your hair look like at the moment; i look like those 70s.
0193. what song are you listening to right now; roxanne - moulin rouge.
0194. how is the weather right now; hot. please rain.
0195. what are the last four digits of your phone number; 5007.
0196. if you were a crayon, what colour would you be; glittering gold.
0197. how many kids do you want to have; 2.
0198. how many tvs do you have in your house; 2.
0199. do you have your own tv; No.
0200. do you use any instant messengers; MSN los.

ladida~

2005-11-15T15:35:00.000+08:00

wahaha. im a genius. i was right! during one of the conversation between my mum, sister and me, i once said that after the exams, we students will surely go out to play one, just like that time my PSLE just ended, i went shopping with my then bestie at cwp. [dont laugh.] and that my sister will be of no difference. my sister beg to differ, saying she wont and whatnots. oh wells, she just called to tell mum shes going out with her frenz to cwp. lol. EXPECTED! dont laugh bout the cwp thing la, its the nearest shopping center in that area and the things are not bad what. better than westmall somemore. so ya, so happy. cuz im proven right!

thats what happen when you are stuck at home la. cheap thrills.

tomorrow my father may be flying to australia, tomorrow is also the day my bf is going to taiwan :S ~~remember to buy me shirts hor...or else you dont come back.lol~~ hmmm. maybe if got fate, i can even see my bf in the airport. lol. then i will go... "hiiiiiiii bf!" :)

i had been having missed calls. are they from creative? if so, i hope they have the brains to call my papa, but the slip is with me... oh dear. i wan my mp3 back. *sobs* or else hor, those who had been missed-calling me. PLEASE sms me instead. i dont cater to phonecalls when im in malaysia. expensive la. i pay my own bills k. so please be nice. you know my house number dont you, call that lo.

ain still owe me my 50 bucks, lexine still owe me my 50 bucks, wawa still owe me my 20 bucks ~~minus my rugby ball which she claims is with lays~~ and grace still owe me 10 bucks cuz she ended up not toping up my card for me. add them together, i can buy something nice. so please please please return them back can? its not nice to owe people money. *sparkling eyes*

my mum says im brainless. *pouts* cuz just now she asked me to pour the water at the carpark there so she can scrub it. then i asked from up to down or down to up. she told me to use my brain, so up to down la. apparently, i pour it too up, all the water went into the drain. so i practically poured for nothing. therefore, she conclude that im brainless.

i was flipping through cleo, i want to buy the new sabina lingerie. so nice~~ i want. i want. someone still owe me my pierre cardin one btw... *clears throat*

bored. i miss my bf.

on a lighter note, high tea with mama at 430! lol.

crabs and pigs

2005-11-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

i got a feeling im gonna be eating crabs soon. on friday, my bf was a crab cuz he was recovering from rashes, so whole body red red. then today my dad came back from work after 3 days at sea, he also all red red like crabs lidat. i hope i will get to eat the real crab soon...

im a pig, i keep on wanting to sleep. thanks to the boyfriend. another pig who always sleep. *grumbles*

i just had this so called catfight with a girl from my secondary school cuz she still owe me my 50bucks. i almost drove her mad, as in any moment can jump down that kind. been a long while since id freaked someone out like this. but im an angel, i was stoning cuz she was yelling virtually with all her cabs, in the end i calm her down. ahaha. now i need to get back another 50bucks from that ain. hopefully she wunt act stupid this time round.

gena already got the crumpler bag la! i also wants!!!!
i want. i want. i want. i want. i wantttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. *and the chant goes on...*

saboh-ed!

2005-11-13T23:09:00.000+08:00

stupid bf, why did you sabo me?...

here's the game. introduce 10 quirks or idiosyncrasies of yours on your blog, following which you are free to pick 5 more people to do the same thing..

1. i wake up in the middle of every night to check my hp. ~~and curse my bf when theres no msg from him. lol~~

2. i always take out my green student pass when im in malaysia custom.

3. i stone when people starts scolding me and raise their voice at me. *looks at e bf*

4. i like to see goldfish die.

5. i cant keep my hands of people. i must touch someone, be it pinch or sayang.

6. im a perfectionist but im lazy to be purfect.

7. i have a fetish for little boys. [nina says so... ]

8. i forgive and forget. its weird ok. cuz im dont. not suppose to. shrugs!

9. i like to walk barefoot and eat using my hands. my mum think thats weird?

10. i love my boyfriend. WAHAHAAHAHHAA! im just playing. i really dont know what to say liao ah.

i saboh....
nina.
kaili.
grace.
jiayu.
gena.

bored

2005-11-13T19:47:00.000+08:00

im bored cuz my bf is not online. so i decided to draft some so called shopping list la...

i want...
crumpler bag [brown and blue like ninzies'] trying to convince cw to buy for me... lol
j.lo perfume "live"i collect her perfumes one k. still need to buy back "still"
roccobarocco jeans miniature since last year
whole collection of body shop miniature perfume. *winks at kaili*
a pendant of a dancer pretty pretty!
nike sport shoes i thrown away mine in camp. :s
more bags!! clutch.tote.backpack.whatever! starting my bag collection again. whee!
more clothes ah!!! i seriously got very lil clothes to wear lo. all so formal.
za true white essence mask its a must have!
new phone. seriously.. mine like so old and tattered. can throw away liao.
a pair of levis jeans none of my old jeans suits me now la. sigh.
a pair of heels i only got one. need to look nice nice when i got with bf ma.
spongebob soft toy *looks at bf* 5th mth.....

i need to...
finish up chinese project think huan zhu gege... -_-"
finish up holiday homework i dont have a choice do i?
revise on my work a promise with the bf for some reason. :)
go out with the homies. think chalet
go out with the darlings, and the 0410'04 guys its been a long time...
highlight my hair little bit only la
shopping!! thats a must!
swim swim swim nice nice bodd. jacq said my body is getting untone
suntann im not tann anymore...
spring clean my room its getting dirty!

thats about all. im a boring person with a boring life. and im too lazy to make it interesting. haha.

shitfuck.

2005-11-13T18:01:00.000+08:00

i hope my mum is handling this well.

oh wells my sis n i had this quarrel today, and when she knew she aint gonna win, and being a sore loser that she is. she started talking my past relationship with that malay jerk which is like a year ago. so she keep on talking la, and i knew it will be going no where, so i start accusing her of having a malay boyfriend which actually is her best friend la. then she freak out like totally la. everything she say about it, i claimed it happen to her too. she cant stand criticism and all you see, she can only be the one whos right. so she literally went mad. i was laughing hard at her, pointing her to the mirror and ask her to see how insane she looked like. you can say she almost drive herself mad la.

then so she cannot take it, she start being rude at me showing orders at me, just pure disrespect. me being someone who hate people not respecting me, i slap her at both sides of her face despite being shorter than her. that shut her up for awhile but in the meantime, got her thinking of more cunning ways to get back at me.

well she did la, apparently, she once ransacked through my stuff and saw this letter i almost gave my ex, and she kept it until now. she read it to my mum about it, i overheard it, went it and snatch the paper ,since she refused to return me ,and slap her hard once again in front of my mum. my mum surprisingly just said "ooi" as i walked out of my sister room.

after all that drama, my mum did not scold me or do anything though. she was just abit sarcastic here and there. then i just keep on telling her, no its not a malay, its a chinese. bla bla la. i so wanted to tell her i have a chinese boyfriend now just to shut her up la. but i really dont know how she will react so i guess i will just wait for the right time.

for now. im going on cold war with my sister. shes just.... a horrible person la. hopefully going to secondary school will wake her up and make her realise that life isnt that good for her after all.

Rock Dizzles

2005-11-12T20:26:00.000+08:00

back from camp :)

day 1:
met up wit gena in e mornin. she made breakie for me. ham and cheese. yum yum. went to 7-11 to get some stuffs. then lepak for awhile. play around for awhile and all.
i was damn suay. not only is there the fact that i know no one in my group, group 8. i dont even know anyone from my bunk. :S
anyway, had the ice breaker game. i actually learn something sia. i didnt know that it hurts to not ask qns. always took it for granted. so well, we came out with our group name, rock dizzles, which consist of 6 ppl. bobbie ~~bad breath~~, queena [i love her name], mariam ~~mushroom head~~, wendy, sharida and our only guy, wan ash bf. im the tai tai of the grp. lol! then came up with cheer as well, then head to camp lo.

our bunk like chalet like that. only thing missing are the beds and aircons. toilet was hai hao la. at least no need to mass bathe. food is pretty ok too, but i just dont feel like eating so i eat very little.

then we go do the walk. wah, wanna kill that mr ram la. so there we were, walking towards the big open field. sooooo long. wan and me comforted our grp members, we kept on saying soon soon when they asked how long before we will reach. i felt weird when we went past the open field, so just continue walking la. then ended up mr ram asked us after under ten mins, "are you a follower or a leader?" then suan anyone who beg to differ. everyone wanted to throw stones at him la. haha. so we walked back then played games. always took for granted the importance of communication, teamwork and perseverance. so ya. everyone actually tolerated with their temper. only person who freaked out a lil was mariam. ~~i wanted to use the pole to slap her la.like as tho its my fault lidat.~~ anyway it started to drizzle so went back to wash up and have dinner. then i finally recieved 2 sms from my bf. so happy la. like finally. and he is ok liao somemore. so i called him then queena eavesdrop sia. haha.

we had this talk, raffi they all find it nice, me on the other hand almost fell asleep. it almost killed me. had supper then another talk. that one was no better la. thank god we got released earlier. i bunk hopped and ended up sleeping with gena dear instead. then my grp and grp 7 were preparing for skit for campfire. but i didnt go cuz i wanted to have fun and play ard, which is the reason why i go camp for. so grace gena and me walked ard. then stupid shaiful, just cuz i wore long sleeve shirt he say i go clubbing. haha. sally so cute lo, wore cute cute pyjamas. anyway, i was tired la, but i couldnt sleep. because there were these 3 girls in gena bunk who wun shut the fuck up. they not only couldnt talk softly they were jumping and all. fucking noisy and inconsiderate la. then when they finally shut the fuck up, evelyn's snore was deafening. cuz she was just beside gena. oh god i wanted to kill myself man. when at home my sis snore, i will pinch her nose until she cannot breathe and thus stop snoring, but i cant do that to evelyn ma. so i cover my ears but stil damn noisy la. if only i brought my mp3. so since i cant slp and was so pissed, i sms angry msgs to ppl to complain. :S

day 2:
initially wanted to wake up at 530, but cuz i cant even slp, i woke up at 5 la. go wake gracie up. then bathe. the water was warm. thank god. or else i wld have died. cuz the morning was so chilly, i was trembling from head to toe, got goosebumps.
morning exercise was nothing la, that bad mr rohaizam [sp?!] embarrass me sia! dont fren him liao. he forever one lo. pouts.
breakie was nasi lemak. spent happy time in toilet after that with grace and gena. lol!
then we hafta do events management and planning which intitally bored me to the core, but bo pian. my grp was given the theme "national day" so do lo. came out with the most ideas and hafta present. so malu. ended up hidin behind to talk to shaiful. we didnt won but we lost but one mark. so i was so happy la, cuz at 1st no confidence ma.
then eat lo. after that, was given a choice between rocks and mountain bike. well i choose the latter. and it was love. my group was lucky compared to the morning one, we not only experience the sun, we got the lovely rain. the rain got us dirty, the rain got us wet. the rain made the trail slippery that makes us sped downslope. and omg, it was way beta than the ropes cuz they hafta stop when the rain started but we were still out there playing. no words can describe that unforgettable experience. and it was a mini og9 gatherin cuz there was raffi, iskandar and victoria. so ya. so fun. iskandar is still as charming, help me put on helmet and make sure im doing fine and all, then raffi is a joke as usual. he spoilt the seat and fell flat. wahaha. funny la he. i love everyone in that group la. all so fun loving. *hugs hugs*

my group was in charge of serving food. so fun. i was in charge of serving watermelon! i like! "1 or 2?" some are so nice, say thank you. i was smilin lo. den i play with that kiap kiap thing. crescencia say i look like a crab waving its hands. hehe.

campfire was nice. it rained so we had it in e canteen. i was damn lucky. i got the exact middle seat. so to me it was love. i enojoyed la. raffi's grp was damn hilarious la. laughed like nobodys buisness. our grp skit was thank god a success, even tho no one understan e las part. so sads.

hafta wait a loooooong time for night walk. got scare by silly gabby and junjie. POUTS! but nvm la. i learn that its like i frightened my ownself one la. so gradually i not scared liao. i was deprived of talking i ruined jacqs moment of spoiling me. tracy cute sia, try to scare me by walking like a zombie.

then after that i ended up talking with my bf until credit no more. so sads! then i go slp lo. then grace wake me up, force me to talk to her. haha. i tok to her for les than 10mins then i fell aslp again liao. haha.

day 3:
wake up at 5 again to beat the morning crowd. then head back to laze ard in bed again. so tired la!!!!!!!!!!!!!

den morning exercises. so stupid hafta run wit slippers. cuz my sports shoes wet cuz of yest rain. so i walk lo. den do those typical exercises lik wasted my bath la. pouts

breakfast was yummy. i wash my grps forks and spoons i so nice hor. haha.

den another short talk. den hafta clean up our bunks and all. den took picture. den hor the prize presentation hor, my grp n grp 7 actually got the best team spirit award leiz. so shock los. i never expect it.

so well when the thing finally ended, i left dairy farm with jacq raffi justin and one more indian guy whom i forgot his name, again. haha. we are the indian gang. haha. then my bag so heavy, i ended up putting all my weight on justin bag and drag myself to the bustop. his sleeping bag ended up dropping out. oppsie. wahaha.
we went to cck, wanted to eat at kfc at 1st but so many ppl, so we ended up eating at mac. lepak at there and talk about what happen in camp. so funny la! esp that raffi and justin. like lil kid lidat, they almost fight in mac. again. wahaaaaa.

then my bf finally come. talk talk with jacq for awhile then we parted. went with the bf to orchard. miss him so so much. he hug me tight tight in the train and i pinch his ear hard hard. haha. went to ps to eat at burger king. he stupid la, just recovered then keep on eating unhealthy food. we fight over the ice. haha.

ended up being too tired. cuz used up too much energy by fighting. then drag ourselves to find my papa. wah. den i meet my papa le, hafta walk very fast to orchard towers cuz he walk fast ma. by e time i reach his car. i burned out. i cld hardly sms my bf. i just doze off liao. haha

then i feel so bad. cuz my mum n sis were callin al my frenz to lk for me cuz my hp no credit ma. to an extent my sis even ask lynnest, "can you pls tell me where my sis is" after 3 calls. i feel so bad lo. *hugs mama*

then this mornin mama so sweet, she waked me up then i opened the door and went back to sleep, then she made me open my eyes and say "here, i bought you this straightening cream for your hair so it will look nicer" then she teach me how to use. so nice right. hehe.

tml i force my mama to take pic wit me then i pose on the blog. hehe. i heart me mamas.

~~oh and kira mama noe bout me. hehe.~~

moments before...

2005-11-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

ok. im a genius. worship me. haha.

initially i used the duffel bag to put all my stuffs inside, but it looks bulky and big. and i dont like big and bulky stuffs. ren xiao xiao bag da da. horrible. lol.

sooooo...........

i decided to give my reebok backpack a go, although gena said it was impossible.

well............

i put everything inside except my sleeping bag and apparently everything managed to squeeze in, leaving my makeup kit and bathing kit and my cup.

then i was thinking of ways to bring my sleepin bag cuz i gotno cover. then i saw akira's adidas shoe bag. so tada. i fold it then i roll it and i squeeze it into the shoe bag. and i succeeded! and i even top it off by squeezing my slipper in. so tadah!!!

i transfer my makeup kit to smaller compartments and squeeze my cup and bathing kit in and i succeeded!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooo

im bringing a not so bulky pretty small backpack with a cute bulky shoebag tt feels like a pillow.

im prepared. i just need to take two more undies and the torchlight and im done. lol.

im not gonna bring my pillow la. tho i want to. but i dont wan u al to laugh. so i guess i mos prollie wil b hugging peoples stuff. and im gonna still toothpaste. so be afraid. be very afraid. lol!

and im this hyper because the last time i had been to camp was pri 5. so ya. hehe

tts all!

tata~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

p.s nina kaili lois. i love you girls! muackz!

the clarification.

2005-11-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

i accepted grace apology.
no surprise to some. i know.
when akira first told me about grace telling enos every single thing. i was so freaking pissed. i felt so betrayed. but then as days past, i calm down and think through it.
yes, it was of course her fault for telling enos everything. but i cant blame her, because if i hafta be frank with myself, i did the same too. its just that my boyfriend knows how to keep secrets, unlike people like enos.
so ironically, we both betrayed each other. just that i haven exactly tell her that. heh.
and anyway, im still gonna be her classmate and her teammate. cold wars wont work. so yea.
the trust, i wont talk about it la. its shaken thats for sure. ha. so ya.

however for enos. i wont say he betrayed me. cuz i dont even know him, barely, almost never, exchange words with him. but, it seems he just wont mind his own buisness. and the worst thing is, after ruining so much, hes still so arrogant about it. *roll eyes* i guess it brings him comfort to destroy what he cant have.
i dont desire his pathetic apology cuz it doesnt matter to me. hes just like an irritating fly who never fails to piss me off when its near and at the same time, the existence of this fly means nothing to me. a cunningly immature irresponsible one too.
if he actually feels sorry for not telling akira earlier, i wont blame him even though its fucked up of him to even say that. but in the first place, i shouldnt be keeping stuffs from my bf not that i bothered to remember them in the first place. however, whats even more fucked up is the fact of fake tales being added into it. and why is that for? i may not know exactly what he had told those 3 guys, or even more. but the fact remains that if he sincerely wants to inform akira of it, he wont have added tales into it. and i had heard bits and pieces of what he had said, and guess what, more than half of it isnt true! how nice is that?

for example,

missgracie- { i will seek to magnify your name,in everything i do} says:
grace asked if u would break up wit me.. u replied 'of course la'.
huh?
the actors who play our lovers and friends. says:
means u once asked if i will break up with akira and i said of course la
the actors who play our lovers and friends. says:
well did i say tt?
missgracie- { i will seek to magnify your name,in everything i do} says:
i promise..i dint say that
missgracie- { i will seek to magnify your name,in everything i do} says:
never..

it may be silly of me to believe her even after her betraying me. but i believe this one because i myself know i didnt said it. and she confirmed it when i clarified with her. so go on, believe that kid and jump to conclusions. im not afraid. hate me. i dont care. you fools dont even know me well enough.

so go on acting highty-mighty just because you had say something unappreciated.and yes, i admit. i hate you. i always do. the only time i will ever not hate you will be the only time you can suck your own dick. which is of course, never. and im glad, although people always tell me you are not what i think you are, i just learned many many things that proved to me my judgement was right. no, not just this matter. awww nvm. :)

but oh wells, at least im a better person then you are la. i dare say that.

and my akira, its not that painful after all eh? id just proved to you i didnt said that. if only you knew.

i knew it! when you said you had rashes. why didnt you tel me? everyone knew but me and i worried like nobody's biz. but nvm. i guess i understand. if you ever see this, just take care k? im sorry i cant do much to make you feel better.

you are not making it easy.

and for all of the tears ive cried

and all of the pain id felt

let love lead the way

till then. miss me for 3 days. much love. *hugs*

lipgloss and letdowns

2005-11-08T21:04:00.000+08:00

after two days of "crash diet", i finally had a decent meal today because gena insisted and since the place we choose to have lunch at is nice, i finally had my first proper meal of the day...............
-but its also because i know i will collapse soon if i actually continue doing so-

---

went to be an audience for the pw thingy. it was ok la, just that i got restless as time drags on, the last few minutes were a torture, i so want to run out of the room lo. haha.

i went town with maya and gena. we decided to have lunch at wheelock's [sp?] sakae sushi. -ah, now you know why. haha- i had tempura udon as usual la, but the soup was a disappointment. too sweet. oh and i love mushrooms and so i ate this cute mushroom sushi. niceness. well, the downside of actually eating after not eating for so long is the usual gastric pain in the stomach that lasted the whole day even until now and hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow morning. ~~heh. this pain is familiar too. and i actually kinda enjoy it.~~

i want the same crumpler bag that nina has. i like the colour combi. but im broke. and i dont want to used up my hard-earned pay. hehe. *blink blink* someone please buy it for me, my birthday is coming in less than a month time! hehe. 90bucks only. ;p

then we went to taka. i forgot what we went there for. i remember window shopping and buying some lotion.

went wisma. the very-expensive-yet-very-pretty wallet in miss sixty is gone. pouts. that wallet is a darling i tell ya. so i ended up buying lip balm from topshop. ya those with funny names and all. i bought the one that is supposedly champagne with a hint of strawberry. keke. its for camp ah, i cant bring my papaya lip butter or it surely will melt before i can even apply it.

then we went to far east. i love that brown "blonde" shirt but it cost 55 bucks la. well i hafta admit, im not that rich, so of course its expensive to me la. but its so so nice. the shirts in that shop are so uniquely pretty. very old-school. if you get what it means.

and i want that "once upon a time" notebook with that nice nice ribbon. haha. ok i shall stop saying all my wants.

but then again, i do want to get that rocobarroco miniature perfume that somehow had seem to cease to exist. hopefully the shop at sun plaza still has it.

i loooooooove perfumes.*WINKS at kaili*. hehe. ok i shall stop it. i sound so wrong to be asking people to buy this and that for me. heh

oh and maya gena and me took neoprints! nice nice.

and i bought this pink and gold rubber band cuz its so nice. and it just reminds me of the old racist phrase i once wrote "pink and gold makes indian glow!" and i keep on saying it cuz maya is 1/10 indian. hehe. but the salesgirl was a bitch, she showed the highest level of attitude problem and service. i was so pissed i commented to gena right in front of her on how she had a fucked up attitude and all. come to think about it, damn, i should had done something to her.

maya left for her bf cuz she still feel guilty....................... hehe.

after that, gena and i went alllllllllllll the way to centrepoint just to go to cold storage to buy the zipper thingy. and food. in case we starved in camp. hehe.

---

i haven prepare for tml. my barbie doll sleeping bag is still stuck somewhere. im gonna miss my small round pillow. haha.

dear gina making breakfast for me. :D

oh and jiayu and meileng are such darlings la! they are helping me to record the 9pm channel 8 dance show because i gonna miss it for 3 days. so sweet right!!!!!!!!! haha.

---

zhenhui is coming back to jb. finally! and hes coming back a week before my birthday. so i expect to get expensive presents since he still owes me mango pants and a pair of sneakers since last year! along with thongzhen la hor. and we will lepak at city square's coffeebean for hours and they all will be killing me with their cigarettes. and acting guai when they meet my mom again. just like the old times. haha.

oh i forgot...

im gonna get lectured by them... oh dear...

---

to darling ninzie, i just read your blog. im so touched la. :)

[and btw, it wasnt the guilt speaking. lol]

im glad you feel the same way too. and yes i enjoyed being bullied by you two cuz i know you all love me. but you girls do pamper me too. like always helping me to carry my stuffs and i never do carry you girls stuffs, if you realize that. wahhaaa. i looooove you!

yes i agree, being with you girls are the only time im being me. no facade no nothin. just me! haha.

so girls, pls dont call me leney, leney is the fake name that goes along with my facade. call me alene, cuz thats my real name, and i think you people deserve to call me by my real name cuz only you people see and know the real me. if you get what i mean. haha.

i love and cherish you all too!

and you are forgiven by the ROYAL HIGHNESS for being late. cuz i benefit so much sia. wahahha. =X

DONT PANGSEH ME ON FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you make the plans and sms me bout it k? even without the birthday girl lois, we are still meeting! and you bring cam ah. i dont wana bring it to camp. i love you tons. take care and we will meet again on friday! *hugs*

---

oh shit fuck. my menses started today! damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. next 3 days is hell...

madness

2005-11-07T20:50:00.000+08:00

i saw my ex bf and dear mimi today. its a funny sight though. you can just see how the ex deliberately move metres away. balless creature. but its gd. i was in no mood to entertain him.

anyway i went to je to wait for miss nina instead. and because her hockey ends late and she wants to spend more time with her bf. i waited for her for 45mins more than i was already suppose to be waiting. thank god i had a purrfect company who made me laugh throughout. :D haha. and nina was 9 mins late. she supposedly owe me $9 but its accepted when she offered to help me carry my stuff instead. :p

they finally arrived and we hafta go to nicholas condo just so he can take his notes and it was sucha long ride and i was hydrating la. haha. and we head finally to orchard. and the whole trip i was jacked by nicholas la. i knew my words wont win him, so violence came in handy and he ended up with a nice blue black on his arm, under his fake tattoo. haha. nina, your bf is stupid. he verbally abused me just because he couldnt win you. lol. but hes approved by me. wahaha.

kaili was early!!!!
ya. really. miracle man! she finally did it! haha. she looked so sexy lo. until a point where a guy practically ran from taka to wisma just to asked if she was e one who dropped the pen. haha.

we were damn bimbotic as we walked to far east. talking in loud high pitched voice nd laughing throughout. dont you love girls outings?

nina and i had our eyebrows shaped in far east. bought some stuffs here and there. and at one point we were at missha, i bought some stuffs, and the salesgirl thus give me a free stuff. and there miss nina was, commenting "oh good. she loves free stuffs"..... makes me sound like a cheapskate la!haha.
and as usual took neoprints! haha. we shall wait for nina to upload it. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

---

sometimes i just wished life is simpler.
it feels so much better to be around with people that loves me and totally accept me for who i am, be it loud, immature, fucked up, fickleminded or whatsoever. they still accept me for who i am. they still love me. and they cant wait to just spent more time with me.
isnt it way better than people who constantly ask you to change and all, and you just feel that you are trying hard to please these people. and sometimes its just so hard, you actually wonder who you are anymore.
nina and kaili, they had been there since secondary sch yrs. and they even put through all my shits going mad and stupid and blind, how i just couldnt let go and the pathetic tears. still they put up with me. true, we had our huge quarrels and cold wars. but in the end, we are still so close. we accepted each others flaws and we never asked each other to change. even now, as im going through a bad phase, which is a lil like the past, fickle and mad, they didnt give up on me. they supported me.
and sadly its somehow different from mi. people expect you to be different and all. they want you to be this way, and you are suppose to be, if you are not, too bad. shit happens to you. you get ostracize, discriminate, bitched, backstab. just name it. and the sad thing is, half the time you dont even know why. not to mention the fact that people just love to dig into my past, why cant they just let it go. whats done cannot be undone. so fine. but no, they love to talk about it. right? i had been trying to keep a low profile ever since i stepped into this school, but i guess, its just irresistible huh. what a pathetic life you are leading that it brings you such cheap thrills just by talking about grandmother gossips instead of the hottest one. so sads.

and yes its very sad. i thought i was playing my cards right. and yet as i reflect through what and who i had been throughout in this sch. well, i hadnt really be myself. how foolish of me. thankfully i managed to find true friends around me in the end. the brighter side that shines when shit happens.

---

"Everyone had feelings for exes they had loved,even if the breakup had happened a decade ago. there was always some small part of u tt nursed nostalgia, that softened at the mention of the ex's name. and if you were honest with yourself, you acknowledge it, because that indicated more clearly than anything else that you had-again in the jargon-moved on and put things in perspective. but if u kept denying those feelings, if you made a best friend out of your ex and denied that you had a vestige of romantic love left for him, then you were doomed never to get over him"

from the book, "dont even think about it" by lauren henderson

ai hen jian dan.

2005-11-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

i toss and turn in bed. cant get the thoughts outta my head.

Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare,I let out a silent prayer, let this be over.

i ended up sleeping until 9am. less than 5 hours of sleep. i tried to get back to sleep after that. but i couldnt. haunted by thoughts i didnt want to think.

I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache

i want to go on and on and on... bout how im feeling and all. but i shouldnt. so i wouldnt.

Every step I take leads to one mistake

so,
today my meal was superb. two bites of a bread in e morning and a bowl of soup for dinner, plus 8 glasses of water. crash diet you call that. i will just say i dont feel like eating. my mum scolded me la, she said you are always like that since young, thats why you never grow. but ya, my appetite is weird. somedays i can eat like a pig, somedays i just feel like gulping down glasses of water only. and although im hungry i cant eat, just the thought of food makes me nauseous.

went to the club. theres this boy whose dad trains him to swim at there. im pretty much impressed. he is not speedy yet, but hes learning all the different strokes of swimming. in other words, building up his basics. and for the 3 hours i was there suntanning and reading my book, he swam non stop. even after i left, hes still swimming. im impressed of course. because i know i can never be like him. haha.

tomorrow is the day. i will be camping outside jjc waiting for miss nina to finish her hockey and head to town. and we will go wild, we will be ______________ and we will fine miss wong kaili $1 for every minute after 3:30pm.
isnt that so fun?

Now what to do,

my heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true,

each beat reminds me of you

2005-11-06T03:55:00.000+08:00

heh. i told him we need time apart to cool ourselves down. so called timeout you can call it. thanks to some imbeciles. you know who you are dont you :) lovely people you are.
i dont know if it wil work. the anger may be cooled and the pain might be numbed. but will it do us good? i dont know. but rather than all the outburst, isnt it better this way?

one ultimate qns is still unanswered. but who am i to question those protected species. id been asked not to.

how can someone change in less than a week? how can the tlc that used to make me feel special disappear withtin a week? time. only time will tell.
i once watched a bollywood show, in which one sentence went like one shouldnt stop caring a girl once he had started it, he will never know how she feels when he stop doing so.

shrugs. the all too familiar pain. from a different person, from a different way. i embraced it the same way i did last time.

im jus lucky nina and kaili were online. no one can replace them. ever. the darlings i never had.
~~nicholas was nice too. good choice nina! haha.~~

not to forget nadia, my baby. i love you. :)

2005-11-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

whats love?
they say love is beautiful.
how beautiful can love be when im more hurt then im happy?

shit happens. everyone knows that. just that its sad that it always happen to me. it pains me as im typing this. im still hurting. but who am i to say how i feel. who will listen. sides are taken. whats there to explain?

the damage is done.
and i wont say i didnt play a role for being at fault.

just when i come to love a person with all my heart and soul, shit happens. you look at that person and wonder who he is. how will you ever feel the same again?

i trust ppl too much and i ended up being betrayed. no surprise. expected it. just shame on me that it aint the first time.

~~i never and i shouldnt let a man control my emotions. sweet talk dont win me over.~~

how can such an almost non-existent thing cause so much pain to someone. irony of love.

i detest her for her shits

and the way she thinks shes cool

her sarcasm dont affect me much

for words dont bring me down

but im still gonna thank her

for letting me see the light

the truth about who she really is

of how ugly she is inside

i hate her for all she had done

yet thank her for it all

had she not been sucha fool

i may have been her clown

2005-10-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

BORED! dont even know why i came to school... but nvm i shall not whine bout little things.

its been sucha long time since i'd updated. 'cuz promos. now its finally over! i dread results day...

thursday was the last day of promos. Gina.Adeline.Shihui.Me. we went to Ade's condo & soak ourselves in the swimming pool in the drizzling rain. nice-ness! tai tai lifestyle! keke. then we ate at swensens. before heading home. i stayed with Gina. blog. hopped & all. her brother so funny. and he really got me mash potato. so nice. =)

went to orchard on friday with the same gang. window shopped. broke ok? i saw a notebook i like alot... two in fact! anyway we ended up in forum's coffee bean. along with the bf. shihui was so late la! and when she came, she spice up the atmosphere. we went to toys'r'us to play. they all pissed off the magician there. haha. i want the spongebob soft toy!! and the black pot thingy!! haha. oh & i finally saw lois! *hugs*

saturday... watch TV the whole day thanks to the sister. it was yong yee's & wenyin's bday, so we went to eat steamboat again. it was so fun. the jokes and sarcasm! despite the sudden splattering of butter... haha. everyone was divided for certain stuffs. yong yee fry egg. yes fry through bbq method, yonglion " unshell " the prawns, wenzhi and ziyang fry the triangle thing.. etc. as for me, i just sit and eat, they cook for me... haha. after that we took bus to yongyee's house. we were like those punks, making hell lot of voice in the bus. we ended up in a park nearby to cut the birthday cake and play. damn. it was so fun!

sunday... supposed to go swimming, but raining so heavily! so mum bought me to the supermarket to buy tonsa snacks & we had a party at home! so fun la! mum is so cute. i braid her hair for her before she went for her yoga. =P

thats all la! im still bored ....

2005-09-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

lynnest is sucha dear to help me blog this entry =)

i shall sum up what had happened this week..

wed's PE was nice. we learn this new dance, maya was my partner. tonsa fun we had! nothing beats the moment when we decided to skive and watch the two dumb blondesdance. well of course, they didnt fail to amuse us. the part when the dumb blonde 1 have to 'push' dumb blonde 2 so she can turn, was fucking hilarious! we were so shocked by the way she did it. we couldnt stop laughing for awhile.

and after so long of tolerating certain shits, trying to pretend it didnt matter at all, i finally couldn't take it , so i just let my tears flow. the feeling of letting it out, not just simply letting the tears flow but really crying my heart out even for just a short while makes a huge difference to how i feel afterwards. i'm glad i have my dear girlfriends to be there for me and comfort me. heart them tons. =)

HT, we were all eating gua zi. buttered sunflower seeds. taste pretty weird but on wells, it was a good substitute for popcorn. haha.

after school, i spent sometime with the bf, just talking what's troubling us. it was great.

the celebration for kaili's bday was postponed in the end. it's sad of course. but that's pre-u life i guess especially since we're all in different schools...

i forgot what happened on tues morning but oh wells, had this long chat with lynnest during maths. completely never listen in the end. haha.

after lesson, i noticed those all-too-familiar stares at me. i dissed that discomfort off. sometimes friends are just pure disappointment eh? heh.

i planned to do solo shopping, but along the journey, chris happened to board the bus. so i had a very cool company all the way to orchard. ate at LJS. and apparently i realised tgar chris eat real damn slower than me. just when i thought im a slow eater. haha. then we went to craft shop to have my ear pierced. one hold down, another to go. haha. we talked about many things throughout and it got me thinking about many things. yes, a great person this guy is. no wonder val heart him tons tons lo. haha.

long long thursday. i made it through with all smiles and no frowns. today is a day i should be happy, feel so happy, so carefree, not emotionally strained. maths wasn't. that fun cut mr soh is so serious today. thankfully there's maya to amuse me. we played around with the glow-in-the-dark nail polish. so fun. along with the dirty jokes that come along. wahaha.

i bought a big big box of butter cookies to fill me up and i bought the bf a facial wash so that he can finally wash his face properly la.

B1 has recently been pretty much a disappointment, the sudden distance and disappearance halfway through the msgs, but what to do, can't expect much also. especially when i have no rights. hmm. we will let time tell everything.

promos is so nearing. i haven even study. oh dear. i'm going shopping for evening gown tomorrow. whee~

i just reach the celebration of my grandpa's bday in KL and it clash with beach touch carnival. shitfuck.

my sister is still acting like a snobbish bitch.

2005-09-19T15:40:00.000+08:00

the weekend had been pretty fucked up. thanks to some fucker like my sister. well apparently we had been bickering non stop, for as usual, we cant stand each other, especially when we are of complete different personalities and its like hard for us to accept each others flaws la. but this is not the main thing. the main thing is well, we had been bickering nonstop since sat and so occasionally we will complain it to our mum. our mum not wanting to take sides, just pretend she didnt hear anything. but we still continued on. i picked and bitch about my sister right in front of her face, while she does it behind my back, backstabber what. so yesterday, we quarreled to a point we couldnt stand each other, so there she was bitching to my mum for a very long time and seeing that my mum is not going to do anything, she got pissed and being very unsatisfied for she desperately wants to get me into deep shit, she poured to my mum about the pictures she found with me and my ex bf last year while ransacking my stuffs when i was not at home. she didnt say it once but thrice, just to make sure my mum really heard it. and well, my mum most prollie will be ransacking my stuffs today, thankfully, the picts are all with mimi ma.
bottomline, thats how life is, with a fucking cunning sister. i wonder what have i done in my previous life to deserve a sister like her. but nevermind, its ok. its the past.
i wont let it go though. she deserves to be punished for the evil deeds she has done to me all these while. so yea. fuck the bitch.

promos in 17 days. no i have not been studying. sad ah! i wonder how am i going to make it.

tml is kaili's bday. happy 17th bday darling kaili!!! <333 *muackz!*

oh and i watched an indian movie yesterday. i dont know if anyone watched it. the story was so nice, so sweet, so sad, so touching! i dont know how to elaborate the story but oh wells, those who missed it then too bad lo~

tts all lo. tata!

p.s. ~~ilh~~

2005-09-13T13:02:00.000+08:00

oh god. yesterdays way back home was stupid yet amusing.

ok erm, after the bf and i parted, i went to jurong east mrt station to meet my ninzie dear only to realise that she forgot to bring my water bottle. -_-"
so i passed her my cookies and we parted.

a choice of whether to take the mrt to kranji or just take some bus from there. i saw the yellow bus, the causeway link, and thinking of how convienient it is. i choose the latter.
and so i hopped onto the bus with the happy thoughts of reaching the custom in 30 minutes time. but as the bus journey on, i realise everything seemed wrong. it didnt seem to be the way i expect it to be heading to...
it didnt took me long to realise i took the wrong bus, and instead of heading towards the woodlands checkpoint, it was heading towards tuas! oh god, how i freaked out then. hmm i didnt really freaked out la. i just called my mum and asked her to meet me at perling before calling the bf and pouring to him about my stupidity.
anyway. it was the first time ever i took a bus and head into tuas checkpoint. the place is so cool! its damn quiet of course. but its so cool! quite classy. haha. and malaysia custom one was so erm. nvm. i expected better though...
so anyway, the bus was supposed to head towards perling. or so i thought. i ended up at some ulu place i never been to before called geylang patah. and just then, my mum called. apparently she had been waiting at perling, so i just asked her to go home telling her i will find my way home myself. with no ringgits at all. :)
but oh well, apparently in malaysia, as much "perverts" there are, thats how one get through anywhere though. with a smile and a slightly flirty tone, you can just go anywhere with the people treating you real nice. haha. so anyway, i was about to take a taxi home when i saw the bus with the sign saying that it heads towards tun aminah. so i asked the driver and he kindly tell me everything i need to know.
so i hopped onto the bus and ladidadida, half hour later, after many ulu highways i reached my skudai. lol. and so the bus dropped me at some point and i happily made my way home.
i felt damn elated. a certain adrealine rush. an excitement. satisfaction.
never once in my life have i ever taken a bus alone in malaysia. and there i was with no ringgits, less than a dollar credit in my hp, but still i make it home, safe and sound. so cool! lol.

i look damn ugly in the class picture. i prefer the previous one, i look better. this one i look so fat and flat. god.

i got many free periods today, wonder whats the point of coming to school man. oh ya. maths test. frowns.

thats all. some indian guy disturbing me. wahahahahahaa. tata~

2005-09-12T15:58:00.000+08:00

oh bother. my internet is down :S
somehow a blessing in disguise tho. my comp is no longer a distraction cuz of it, and i can now fully conc on studying even while facing the comp. i think i shall only tell my dad about it after my promos. so for now i update when im in school lo. quite pathetic but hai hao lo.

i will be meeting darling ninzie later on to pass her some stuffs and get back my dearest water bottle. finally!

school has been pretty fun today. i think i was being extremely noisy. but nvm. i like.
chinese oral, teacher ask me to read more newspaper. hmm...
i have maths test tml sia. im not fully familiar with all those fomulas. trigo is a confirm fail. no surprise.

the one week holiday has been pretty fufilling , pon econs to play pool with shaiful, leoric and maya. so fun. i think i wasted my time in mob. sleeping halfway through. and i spent quality time with the bf on thursday. so funny lo.
i want to go back this friday to finish my marilyn monroe book. so nice!
i <3 marilyn tons tons. haha.

i cant type with my bf beside. so tata! lol.

2005-09-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

get your facts right before you assume. heh

anyways.
mass chat with ninzie alex evan and the never-once-spoke-a-word-but-was-included kaili last night was hilariously fun. we talk until around 245 before we finally end. i think i was the first to head to bed. lol.
but oh well, it wouldnt happen anytime soon cuz darling ninzie is in camp now....

i woke up feeling dead damn tired today. and it didnt help when you notice all the sudden pimple breakouts in your face. so demoralising man. but whatever lo.
the bf bought me hotcakes for breakie :)

thank goodness i wasnt late for mob cuz those who were late were really locked out. but i didnt make full use of it though. i ended up dozing off. i was so tired. i only woke up when maya shook me and told me there was a msg for me. i placed my hp on the floor you see. im just so tired. no more late night talks for e time being. haha

went out with kim and selene for quite a heavy lunch. i love kangkong with sambal. woots.

went back to school, on the way saw anders and the bf. he wanted the bf to be his.. so give him lo. haha.
kim and i had our fun with the piano. i didnt know she can play. very well too.

mr yew is sooo self obsessed. so many pics of himself alone on his table. he kena suan by me. lol.
but oh well he was nice, he intially wanted to treat us mac, but upon hearin that we hafta wait for 1 hour, we ended up being treated drinks. but nonetheless, it was still nice of him. despite his sarcasm about the cups... *grumbles*

then. then.......

mei you liao

sorry mimi for turning you down today. i wanna go out with you one lo. :s

Anything You Want

Just Let Me Cater To You

Inspire Me From The Heart

Can't Nothing Tear Us Apart

You're All That I Want In A Man

2005-09-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

sigh.
today sucks.

somewhere during the noon, i started vomitting like nobody's business. everything that came into my mouth just came out of the mouth too. argh terrible. it was hellish.
ended up resting until 8++, feeling slightly better now, but i dont dare to eat anything yet.
sigh.

guys are selfish imbeciles who cant seem to think with their brains. why should i care?

on a happier note. i just earned 8 bucks from the bet with my mum. its lime and ginseng not lime and ginger. think lipton tea.

love is blind

as far as the eye can see

deep and meaningless

words to me

2005-09-02T21:32:00.000+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

They tell me your blue skies fade to grey

They tell me your passion's gone away

And I don't need no carryiny on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee to go

You tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces everytime

And I don't need no carrying on

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday

The point is they laugh at what you say

And I don't need no carrying on

You had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink

And the whole thing turns out wrong

You might not make it back and you know

That you could be well oh that strong

And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most

Oh you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

You've seen what you like

And how does it feel for one more time

You had a bad day

Had a bad day

today has been a very bad day.
right from the moment i woke up until the moment i reached home.

oh wells, there was a few moments that brought a smile to my face and make me feel warmth at heart. but to compare to the overall, it failed to make everything seemed alright.

i wont complain or whine much though.
for just when i thought my life is miserable with all these upcoming unneccessary teenyweeny lil problems, i realise people around me are facing many problems too.

i guess, it may just be the time of the year where the promos are coming and everyone is so stressed out. thus everything seems so wrong, nothing just seems right.

sometimes,
i seriously wonder if life would have been better if i had appealed to study in jjc.
at least theres ninzie there. and her gang of lovely friends. heh. shrugs.

flashbacks of today keep on popping into my head. however hard i willed them to go away, they just keep coming back..
i dont want to think about it. im not supposed to care.

for now i shall spent some time alone and finish up the world of suzie wong book.

and on i read

until the day was gone

and i sat in regret

of all the things i've done

for all that i've blessed

and all that i've wronged

in dreams until my death

i will wander on

2005-09-01T21:17:00.000+08:00

argh. im so freaking pissed with my comp la. i feel like throwing the comp against the wall. and i know its irritating the hell out of everyone by constantly asking people to go to that certain website and all every 5 mins. wtf la. whoever that started this is fucking sick in the mind. deserves to be burn in hell with the brain fucking roasted for coming up with such a sick thing.
i dont find pleasure in making someones life fucking irritating. like whats happening to the comp.

looking at my stuffs. boy am i embarrassed of myself. it actually took me so long to realise i really am lack of self discipline and responsibility after all. damn.
i half finished my maths hmwk. not that im too lazy to do so. but just because of the fact that i do not know how to do it. i tried though.
im going to type out my management tutorial later on. i can stand untidiness. just like i cant stand my handwriting.

mum was cute today. she went from my sister room to my room shouting "room service" and we opened out locked doors to let her do her necessary housework. haha. we are so mean.
i <3 my mummy. :)

my bf just date me out tml. so sweet. blushes. i hope nothing will clash.. *cross fingers and toes*

anyways....

the teachers day pencil case that grace designed for our home tutors.
but when we so called got it back, the other side of the pencil case was ruined with green markers ink. how nice.

and when boredom strikes somewhere in the middle of yesterdays performance...

candid shots of people will be secretly yet openly taken of people. like sharifah aka sheri! lol.

or maybe self-obessed silly shots of myself...

or just nice shots like this... me.maya.sheri jambu eh? keke.

maya and me. spastic.

teehwee.gina.me. blurred.

last but not least...

the back of 05C2 class tshirt. credits goes to our designer, gracie.

and thats all la.

in your house i long to be

room by room

patiently, i'll wait for you there

like a stone

i'll wait for you there alone

2005-08-31T18:37:00.000+08:00

what a wonderful day it is today. yea. wonderful
i got pangseh-ed 5 times in total.
meaning of pangseh = last minute change of plans.
how shuang the feeling is huh.

the bf bought me hash brown this mornin for breakie. :)
i still cant get over yesterday's conv with saddiq. think "lets run" thats so stupid of me la. lol.

my normally enthu partner maya was on sleepy mood today. and therefore it failed to make me hyper during the aces day workout.
lepak in class. got our class tshirt! it was simple but nice. a lil unexpected, but considered the fact that it took 2 days only, i think its good enough. [it goes along with my shorts. hehe]
while waiting for the performance to start, sayang jiayu helped me trimmed my eyebrows. i save rm18 and i looked way better than before. thanks jiayu sayang! and thanks pris meileng and gina for helping in giving comments about it. hehe!
maya and gab took their couple pic. so cute! lol.
the performance would have had been a great pleasure of pure enjoyment if only people in front of us have the decency to sit down, which they didnt, even after us yelling at them to sit. and it didnt help when the geeks behind wont stop shaking their legs even after we lost our temper at them. any idea how inconsiderate humans are?
dikir barat was so cool la. i think i enjoyed tt one the most tho i dont really understand the words.
i got to see my "best friend" perform. so nice! just the way people described it. and my reaction to it? lets use what gina said ".. leney is laughing so hard you can hardly see her eyes" :p
mr fong is soo cool~ *drools* lol. i wasnt tt crazy over him. girls around me were. wahaha. but he does look cool when he danced that dance with the hat and shades. mr hott soh wore tight shirt today. hott! wahahahhaa.
i changed into my nice hott shorts halfway through. i tot i could rushed back to rss in time..

1st pangseh case: when nina didnt meet us up in the end after all :S
2nd pangseh case: when mimi remembered she got piano practice. :S
3rd pangseh case: when i called kaili only to know that only she and hafiz was there. :S

how pathetic was that. 041004 had a population of 30 people but only kaili and hafiz was there in the end for the "class gatherin". so in the end i meet them up in cwp at pasta mania. saw alloy and azim. azim said miss hee misses me. so sweet. so unexpected.
the guys left first while kaili and i stayed to talk to her friends for while.
as mean as i sound, or maybe snobbish, anyway chanel said hi to me and i jus wave back and smiled. dont expect me to walk over there and start a conversation with her, cuz why cant she be to do it. since she cant be bothered, why should i? its no loss come to think about it.
anyway, after that, we went up to find the guys, haikal, ziyang, faizal and a few 04e people were there too. so we went to play pool. actually is they play, i didnt play, cuz its been sucha long time since id played it, and seeing so many other ex-rss ppl inside. forget it. yes there were more people inside, people like chongwei and longyun too.
kaili acmpied me for lunch and when we went back they had already got a few more tables. and i just sat there, sitting waiting wishing. at the same time enjoying the company that i had not have for sucha long time. chuanlim came and we all ask him for jokes since hes so famous for ultra lame jokes. and he did give a lame one. it was so unexpected la. "789" damn stupid, mr jokes.
mamasan and retish wasnt present though. thats really sad. gf more impt you see.
then haikal asked me to acmpy him chongwei and ziyang as they smoke. so ok lo. lepak there. and stupid haikal farted thrice. i still have no idea whether he made that sound or it was a real fart. either way, it was freaking disgusting. and he still have the cheek to laugh when i commented on how disgusting it was. argh guys. *roll eyes*
i tried calling the bf twice, but i got a feeling somethin wasnt right with his hp so i called gabby. and i was greeted by his funny voice that makes me not sure whether to laugh or frown. i couldnt even hear what he was saying properly la! pouts
and so i agreed to meet with xinchi. so we rushed back inside, i got my stuffs, said bye to the ppl.
haikal acmpied me to the lift. so nice. not kaili lo. kaili dont wana give up her game of pool, even though its like shes losing. lol! oh and haikal flattered me without knowing it sia! haha.
yes i miss you all. being with you guys are just so different compared to being with any other friends i have. even though you guys are the horniest bunch of motherfuckers but nvm, i know who you all are deep inside and the memories of last year is still deep in my memories. *hugs*

and so i rushed to the checkpoint. as in really rushed since xinchi said she was in a rush of time.
thus, when the bf called to ask me where i was, how late it will be before he can make it, it was already too late. everything had to be cancelled..

4th pangseh case: i dont need to spell it out.

and when i actually reached the malaysia custom...

5th pangseh case: xinchi left with her mum cuz apparently her mum had a flower arrangement lesson to rush to.

how freaking nice.
i was so fucking pissed i flared there and then to someone i was at the phone with. hey, its already pretty bad even when someone pangseh me just once. now i get it 5 times all in one day. no. all in less that 4 hours? wtf.
one of the things that i cant freaking tolerate is to be pangseh. it piss me off immediately and it takes me time to cool down.
the last one was just something i couldnt tolerate at all. i cld hav and might have been able to meet up and spent time with the bf. yet in the end?
i called up xuenie and waited for at least one hour for her to arrive.
all these while having to tolerate the stares from passersby. makes me wonder am i that freaking pretty/ugly that they have to turn their head and stare at me for a freaking long time when they walked past me or even when they are in the car? some even resort to winding down the window just to try to call out to you to gain your attention? i dont find it hilarious or exciting to disturb a girl when you're with a bunch of your friends or even when you are alone and when she either happened to look at you or purposely looked away, you will laughed with your friends as though you just did something fucking great, like disturbing that girl. i find it sick. fucking sick in the mind. i got a good mind to just fucking cut off your dick with my blunt penknife just to make sure you wipe that freaking idotic pervertic smile out of you motherfucking ugly face.
sick bastards these people are.
makes you wonder why do they even exist in this world in the first place.
they deserves to be burn in hell and put through the things they did.

we had this long talk while waiting for xuenie. we talked so much my credit went damn low. prepaid what~ *looks at mum* ya. prepaid what~
but i guess it was worth it.

went to help xuenie pick prezie at city square. had our tea break and the mifen that ziyong ate was damn oily. freaking oily it was one layer all over the plate. god. how gross.

i reached home only to found out my sister got to see kokseng while she acmpied my mum to the pasar malam. and it wasnt just once. apparently he was kind of following them around. so they saw him many times.
and while my sister is whining about how embarrassed she felt to see him.
i complained about how i couldnt see him.
its really not far to be doing this to me. when everyone gets to see him, even my mother! but just not me. am i really that suay?
so disappointed la.
and now the bus rides home seemed somehow empty ever since he was gone.
to think part of the reason was actually because of me...
fuck.

btw. i heard "we belong together" many a times today. thats like the only thing that really made my day. and its so nice to know that the class actually bothered to bear in mind of it. so its like whenever the song is played today at least one of them will go "leney your favourite song"

and the best thing that happened today is....
there was actually a night bus after all.
i feel like banging my head against the wall when i learnt about that matter. argh.

hopefully i will be hardworkin tml...

wo xiang jiu zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou bu fang kai

ai ke bu ke yi jian jian dan dan mei you shang hai

ni kao zhe wo de jian bang

ni zai wo xiong kou shui zhao

xiang zhe yang de sheng huo

wo ai ni ni ai wo

2005-08-30T20:25:00.000+08:00

i think i practically went mad today.

my bf new hair was.. pretty surprising. i didnt expect tt. lol. i still expected tt dragonball hairstyle i saw after the june hols. nvm. hair grows. all you need is time.
anyway. its not entirely his looks that im with him what. so yup :)

gp was embarrassingly hilarious.
we all questioned mr yew about whats so bad about mr hott soh. we accused him of being jealous of mr hott soh too. lol.
then mr hott soh walked past our class... i turned and i cant help but do the sound that mats and minahs love to do. and i immediately turned back and giggled along with the classmates. wahaha. and mr yew went " i know hes sizzling pipin steaming hot. but you dont have to do it right under my nose. " lol. and i just said " i know you are just jealous. its ok." wahahahhaa.
ok im freaking lame la. what to do.
gp is fun la. i must admit this fact.

i love the talk about the first night with the "clip club". so funny! keke.

i almost fell aslp durin mob. poa test was done without much of a sweat. just a bit when doing the balance sheet.
maths was another ridiculously fun session. the sarcasm thrown all over is damn fun la. mr commando soh. and his huge piles of homework. commandin us to do this and that. *grumbles* i wana see his friendster man! lol!
mr yew horrible la. ppl have maths til halfway, den he stationed himself there. like some charity booth lidat. now he owes me a mac meal.

and the bf scolded me over the phone la! he blamed me.... when he himself didnt give sufficient info... sounds like what happened in the earlier part of the day. lol. breakie tml. wheee~~~~

and class tshirt too! cant wait!

After all that we've been through

I find myself still loving you

But I think we need to take the time to get it back

Cause I never give up on a good thing

I never give up on the love we had

We just need to take it slow

2005-08-29T22:35:00.000+08:00

i keep them locked up inside me

my emotions

and slowly but surely

they're eating away at me

killing me slowly

killing me softly

killing me from the inside out

no one can see

but i can feel it...

i'm dying on the inside

or maybe i'm already dead

i'm just an empty shella cold frostbitten vacuum

like a hard hallow porcelain doll

with a painted on simlet

here goes anger, taking a biter

age flares inside me

i can feel it rushing from my toes to my hair

past my ear whispering evil thoughts

you can't see it

but i can feel it...

sadness steps up to the plate

so overwhelming i need to sit down

need to grab something sharpneed to make myself disappear

you can't see it

but i can feel it...

i'm dying

sadly slowly softly

2005-08-29T21:13:00.000+08:00

aini asked me how do i spell her name today. and i went n-u-r-i-a-i-n-i.. and she said wrong! therefore from now on, i will spell it as aini. short and simple. haha

today was a hai hao lo day. i listened during econs! people please go and buy 4Ds. you will definitely win! pe was fucked up. some people just wont shut up. despite everyone asking them to. knnbccb. punished cuz of them. fucked up isnt it.
wormy is so cute. im so into it.i shouldnt have buy myself that. its so irresistable.
poa test was like a freaked out session. do do do. scribble scribble scribble. and when it doesnt balance... oh god *smacks forehead* re-check and re-do again. thank god for aini. or i will still be stuck there after everyone left...

lepak session at comp lab was fun. or should it be called the bitching session. :p

the stupid bf. i had been such an angel to not hurt his left shoulder today. but apparently, he loves the pain so much, he ended up either banging towards the locker or got beaten up by other girls. you see, no point me being an angel and not give him pain when in the end he still kena. but nvm. im now addicted to his legs. woots woots.

maya bday today. mad woman. 18 year old le yet still acted like some siao lang.
she and rizal made me laughed like some mad freak during break with the songs they sing.

wednesday seemed like a mess. being somehow fickle minded now. i go back rss for what ah. be pretentious and hug everyone i see and go all smiley to ppl i dont talk to ever since i left the sch. pretty lame. i already stay in contact with those who are needed to be. so why go back and see those imbeciles. shrugs.
nina~~~~~~~~~~~~~ call me tml again. at either 945-1030 or 130-215. my break. can talk! keke

listen with your heart

you will understand

2005-08-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

current cravings : banana smoothie. korean cuisine. lemonade. rum raisin gelato.

one of the insulting things that can happen is to be doubt. words to a thought.

i only swam 10 freaking laps today. why? because the swimming pool was infested by motherfucking irritating inconsiderate manjans.
at one end, theres this one whole row of ahbengs, standing there, not doing anything, just blocking your path to swim properly. and at the other end, theres this group of kids playing water polo, blocking your way too. how the fuck are you able to swim?
i saw two of my homies in the club. xuenie and her bro. both had the same thoughts as me. we are all disgusted with imbeciles like them manjans.

bday prezie part 2 will be given to my bf tml. lol. *covers face*
if he dont like it nvm, i can always take them back. wahaha.

mummy will be bringing me to school for the next 3 days. i think we will be cruising down the highway again! lol. i wonder if we should buy some breakie from mac on the way.....

homeworks not done at all. i deserve to be shot in my head.

going back to rss on wed, since many of the fourtenners had been asking bout it. yup! i shall go and we shall all hug mrs jalil. the mother of 041004 who never once give up hope on us despite being heavily pregnant. the only teacher whom i ever cried for because i know i had disappointed her during the mid yr exams. not to forget mrs liau, who never fails to motivate us, and giving us hugs when we are upset or even when the weather is cold.. unlike old puki tee. grouchy and naggy. never fails to demoralise us with her criticism.
and maybe, just maybe, we can all find trouble with that bastard. or the minah gang. if you know what i mean.. *evil smile*
and i shall hug my dearest daughter and shower her with all the missing love i have yet to give. haha. i miss her.
actually, as much as i hate to admit this, i still kind of miss my secondary school life. not all. just the ones that i really adore. especially my class. *sigh*

And I don't wanna fall to pieces

I just want to sit and stare at you

I don't want to talk about it

And I don't want a conversation

I just want to cry in front of you

I don't want to talk about it

Cuz I'm in Love With you

2005-08-28T14:24:00.000+08:00

today...
every song i play will voice out my feelings inside
every note i lay on will vent out my emotions inside

im perfectly alright though
im just starting to bond with my new best friend
my piano.

2005-08-27T17:26:00.000+08:00

i wanna dance with my baby...

even if its just the MI mass dance.

come to think about it. maybe one day we should dance that dance and be reminded of that very day. of how we both wanted to, and we were even given sucha huge opportnuity thanks to gab.

but we blew it in the end.

lol

If only I could turn back time

If only I had said what I still hide

If only I could turn back time..

I would stay for the night

2005-08-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

today had been pretty crazy. only downside was that i forgot to bring my pink file, and by doing so, its pointless to go to school cuz all my current works are inside.

i have finished the poa hmwk for the weekend within the lesson itself. so happy. anyway, during recess, i set up a "beauty parlour" by placing the ohp beside me, positioning the "mirror" to be facing me directly and putting all my lotions and stuffs on it. lol. and shaiful applied my lip gloss on rizal. damn hilarious. rizal looked so gay! wahaha.

did filing during gp. we sat on the floor and sang while filing, and maya have to keep on adding new tunes to it, ruining the songs. haha. oh and mr hott soh was sarcastic intially sia! he was talking to rizal and happened to be asking him what time he slept the night before, then i popped my head into the conversation and added "i slept at 12 last night", he replied "do i care?" so i was like "fine~ nvm." in the end he still came to my table and asked why i slept so late. still say dont care. -_-"

i heard nuriani shriek for the first time, and i heard kim whine for the first time too! so cute sia. all the uninnocent side of these people are showing lo... wahaha.

had detention after school. at first i really thought gardening sia. in the end only remove those national day flags. pretty fun ah. i help them carry the thing down only. haha.

i went shopping alone after that. first i went to raffles city, spent $41++ there. then i went to heeren and spent $21++ there. but the feeling was great la. cuz apparently i wasnt in quite a good mood today, i so needed to let it out, thus i decided to splurge on some stuffs and i felt way better after that. nothing beats shopping when im moody, i should do this more often. since thats what it always had been last year. first i must get the money though...
then i went shopping with my family. and i spent their money in moderation.. lol. had dinner at pepper lunch. they love it, but not me. i even yelled at the waiter cuz apparently he wont listen when i said we have already placed our order, he keep on asking us to queue up and all, so i couldnt stand it, i just freaked at him saying " id already placed my freaking order. cant you see?" *points to my dad, walking away from the cashier and towards us* only then he finally realised his mistake and apologised for his wrongdoings. anyway, i got a swimming suit, a very nice maroon shorts which looks so hott, my prepaid card paid, and well, we went for grocery shopping, and knowing that the studying period is near, i bought tons of snacks, ready to be consumed during my in-between breaks. overall we spent 180++ in groceries alone. now thats why my family rarely go shopping. haha.

anyway. the bf scared.worried[?] the freaking hell out of me when he msged me saying he dislocated his shoulder. he claim hes ok now, but i dont believe so. haiya, he ah... bwg. anyway its his bday in a few minutes time. finally 18. happy birthday bf. *muackz*

friends? hmmm. i dont know how to put it.
its been ages since id meet up with my darlings and i so needed to, theres so much things i want to say, to bitch about. thank god ninzie called, at least i know she still misses me! and kaili also la, we talk online almost everyday. its like yes, last year was a total shit, but we still ended up the best of friends despite being so separated this year. sometimes i wonder how i will be if they aint around. i guess i will never be able to bitch about someone with people to support me about it, -ok i do hav my bf to bitch with now, but i dun think i wld hav opened up to him if he hadnt seen how ninzie and i bitch about others the other time. :p- and oh well i just dont know la.
some people i thought are great friends of mine just proved me so wrong. and i dont think its wrong to say that we are pretending to be ok in front of each other. i had been swallowing alot of my pride and tolerating a hell lot, theres only so much i can take. i feel pathetic. sometimes i just feel like walking away...
and come to think about it, its hilarious when the bf know what i am thinking.. the evil thoughts.he made me admit them. and i thought i am the only bad one.... wahaha.
i dont know. actually coming from rss aint a bad thing, cuz thats how people are like in this school. being so used to it, i just learnt not to make the mistakes i once made. stay hidden and be neutral. blend into the surrondings if possible. being too friendly will make people say you are a flirt. being too dao will cause people to call you a bitch. having short skirt means ur a slut. people never once bother to know you before judging who you are. thats the way almost all the people id come to known are. but i admit, im those type of people to judge people by the way they present themselves but i wont mind to know who they really are, if they can see through my facade that is.

heh.

2005-08-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

yesterday we had a friendly match with srjc in farrer park.

its not that clear cuz apparently snapfish is down and i hafta use shutterfly to upload the pics. so erm ya. paiseh.

miss veronica ,the naughty liar, came to the field and walked like some superstar. lol. damn hilarious la. and she do stupid dance when srjc girls did the 3 cheers for us. i love my naughty liar though, we went home together and talked alot. love you! hehe.

today is sucha long long day. im so tired la. i almost nodded off during poa. but then again thats only the beginning part. i was actually pretty much nearing 100% focus during poa. i did all that was needed to be done. pretty proud of myself, especially since i have been slacking ever since my mid years.
i ate like dumb blonde during lunch. keep on munching food non stop. but at least i dont make so much noise la.
mr rizal is so hilarious when it comes to filing. everything is such a mess he needs 3 other friends to help him.
took a silly pic during maths. and oh i got special treatment. release at 530 without having to say much. wheee. wahaha.
oh and during break, the bf and i talked about the MI dance thing. hehe. i dont know, its like although we dont know each other then, and gabby tried to saboh us, but in the end we didnt dance though we wanted to. i find it cute somehow. i like to know this kinda thing. find it sweet. haha. oh and after one huge round of continous crazy infatuation with other guys one after another, never once giving too much of a thought about being with him, hes still the one in the end. the irony of our love. lol. hehe. nvm. im mad.

i have another detention to serve tomorrow. damn sianz.

oOo and daddy bought me a gift from japan. a very sweet pen. damn pretty! :D

im going to be pretty busy tonight.so many things to do..

naughty mummy so greedy keep on dipping the mango into the melted chocolate to eat. when i commented that shes getting fatter she immediately went to the mirror to look at herself and said "no what. nvm, my husband never complain can liao." *roll eyes* i cant stand them both being so lovey dovey in front of me. but still i envy their love for each other. after 18 years, they are still crazy in love for each other. :)

2005-08-23T21:31:00.000+08:00

argh. shitfuck.thanks to conghan, my comp tio virus.and its really fucking my comp upside down. knnbccb. hopefully one of the homies, hopefully yonglim or wenzhi, can come my house during the weekends to remove it or something. or my life will be so screwed la.argh!

i fogot what happened yesterday. except that touch was pretty horrible. the defence. made me wanna kill myself. and being a winger i wasnt allow to cut in, just watch people run through the gap cuz no one listen. was very frustrating.

anyway.. grace drew this while waiting for touch to start. pretty pretty :)
and i got so tired when i reached home.

i went to school with the bf today. and of all people must see saddiq in the train. lol.

emo art drawn by me for the bf during gp. when boredom strikes and creative juices flow alil. of course the design of the words are helped by gracie. theres only so much creativity i have in me. keke.
rizal look like a traditional malay with the new hair.
i slept during mob, had sucha hott dream and some people like mr mohd shaiful just have to ruin it by blowing my ear, waking me up with shock. stupid lamer. lol.
and my suffering didnt end here. apparently shaiful and rizal just love to use the ruler and slowly slide past my neck. gosh. you have any idea how ticklish it is? im sensitive on my neck and they keep on doing it. it didnt get any better when they got hold of a long ruler. keep on hitting me with it, i tried confiscating their stuffs to stop them but they threatened to whack me with the ruler, so i took some small cards in the shape of stars and "spin" it at them like those starlike shuriken that ninjas use. childish i know. couldnt help it. wahahhaahaha.
and i was so bored i was playing around with colours, and i happened to combine pink and gold and they looked like those indian saris, so i came out with...

pink and gold

make indians glow

hehe. ok its very racist. im sorry. i was that bored you see. hehe.

yellow and old

chinese says it all

this one is by alex. lol.

and poor saddiq. i disturbed him like totally during maths lesson. who ask him and the bf gamble. stupid guys.

touch was hilarious. with veron around. it always is la. made me laugh like some mad woman. i think my "storm" improved. happy about it. tomorrow is the game~

the pictures of touch girls...

the self-obsessed touch captain

the touch girls without wawa. and yes veron love my chest and ferx loves verons ladida. wahaha.

the touch girls.
missing in picture: val.rina.siti.tutz

a very pretty handprint ~~hit~~touched by miss wawa.
but it looks nice right?! hehe

i need my rest to get my energy
so tata!

2005-08-21T19:10:00.000+08:00

im seriously so stressed.pissed.irriated.helpless and im crying now.

i got so much to do in so little time.
and it doesnt help when i just saw my schedule filled with so much stuffs leaving me so little time to breathe.

im still stuck with my gp powerpoint cuz i got no fucking idea how to fucking deal with it. all bits and pieces of information are flying around and i have no idea what to do. why am i so fucking stupid to leave the fucking printed powerpoint in my file. why did i even bother to file up my notes?

and no i haven even touched my homework or study my workcuz i have am so caught up with my gp powerpoint. and i just wana break down.

how the hell am i gonna make it through my promos?

pia pia pia.

im gonna be so tired tomorrow.

2005-08-21T11:24:00.000+08:00

Friday 190805

hmmm. the day was quite ok. mr hott soh wasnt as scary as mr yew sounded. but still the class was damn quiet during his class la, so unlike 05C2. i think only my row was being extremely noisy. rizal and i were constantly picked by him cuz somehow we are always caught making the noise even though our parthner was too. haha. and he said i was so "enthu" during lesson he gave me the honor to choose people to answer the questions. so since daryl die die didnt wana choose my "favourite" girl, when i was giggling ridiculously to myself, hiding being the red shirt, he said "you cant hide behind the red shirt, go on, i know you are dying to do so, choose someone" and so.... i choose.... dumb blonde! whee~

gabby's prank call with the disguise of being peter lim was totally hilarious. sound so pervertic.

i served my first detention in MI. hai hao la. nothing special.

touch training, especially the one against the pre u 3. by being the subs, i finally saw our mistakes. tutz almost went mad just by watching them. although we lost, but there was experience gained and i learnt one more thing about being a winger.

i sent the bf home after that. im damn sweet i know. heh.

Saturday 200805

the day that i should have stayed at home. but i ignore the fact that its gonna be a bad day and i just went out.

i was supposed to wake up at 715 and i dragged until 845 before i woke up. i was that tired.

on the way to singapore, i met up with two traffic jams twice. totally irritated. and so i was 15mins late and poor jaq hafta wait alone at kranji's this fashion.

we made our way to yjc after that. almost got lost after walking past tons and tons of blocks, almost hailed a taxi when we saw yjc was right in front.
i only got to watch the last match and he didnt even play. wth.
anyway while waiting for the guys to bathe , jaq and i was watching the match. and there was this huge "stench" that seems to be trapping us. well the sajc guys were near us, so with one whole group of stinky guys, a little smell from each guy, its like a whiff of huge bo being blown into us. we almost died. lol.
left yjc with jaq.saddiq.ander.gab.kira to eat at burger king. they all were damn funny and i cant blif saddiq and i touched each other hands again! accidentally of course, all because jaq suddenly let go of her hand when me and saddiq wanted to hold hers.. stupid. lol.

went to town with him after that. i saw a figurine that i wanted so much. its like a jap doll and all, so pretty. i bet its gonna cost a hundred plus. wonder how long can i save for that doll. a year maybe. i cant save money you see. heh. and i want to buy for the love of money by omar tyree. it sounds like some boring book but its actually the second part of my favourite book flyy girl. damn i swear im gonna own both books soon.

i headed to bed by 945. i didnt know how dead tired i was until i hit my bed.

Sunday 210805

as for today. im gonna

1. some stuffs
2. finish up my homework
3. pia mob latest chapter
4. clean up my wardrobe
5. finish up gp presentation and emailed it to mr hott soh.

its a rainy day today. very nice weather for me to focus. i just notice my tann and i think its beautiful. my mum is treating me like a little girl today. yes, no place beats staying at home for today.

2005-08-19T00:57:00.000+08:00

omg.
the things that we say...

lol.

bring motherfucking wholehearted laughter out of me.

2005-08-18T19:22:00.000+08:00

Wong Bo Yu Marcell Akira do not know how to spell my surname. How nice and sweet of him.

Mr Shaiful freaking scared the hell out of me this morning when he questioned me about his mp3 only to answered it himself by saying its in his bag...Thank god.
Anyway its his birthday today, and although Maya and I led the birthday song,

"Happy 18th Birthday Shaiful. You're a higher level of being legal now. :)"

Today nothing special bah. Just that I talked alot with Gina during mob, got to know more stuffs then talk talk with Lynnest. I pia my jian paus during chinese, left one more to go. Good. Hafta pia my 2 SRs later on. Aomaths was freaking hilarious, suan Mr Soh like nobody's business and he suan back. Damn fun la. Haha. Went with Wawa to the "malaysia" place to buy some snacks and lepak during our lunch break. Yea, snacks to enlarge the gigantic babies in our tummy, thank god i didnt eat during break, a very good excuse to snack. Lol.

Just now I saw my bf at one of his pissed off moments where almost every 5 words there is a fuck, and I thought I was the only one with the vulgarities. Haha.

Detention tomorrow. Niceness.

I gonna pia finish all my hmwk today la. Hopefully.

2005-08-17T20:17:00.000+08:00

my mummy just give me a miniature perfume. so nice! she said it smelt like my perfume but its totally different la. im so into the fragrance now. can i have a slightly bigger bottle of eclat d'arpege by lanvin pretty pls?
or maybe not. ha. im still searching for the fragrance that totally suits me la.

anyway. today... i spent the morning with kim. great as usual. i didnt realise that cell block tango rocks totally until today. haha

pe was pretty fun. i wear my voodoo doll shoes, so not meant for pe at all! because i lent tutz my adidas sport shoes for her 2.4km, then the nike shoes i wanted to wear is so spoilt i can throw it away now and another nike shoes is in akira's class. so nvm, wear the minah shoes for pe.
i intended to just be a cheerleader for the class girls who were running for 2.4km. the new malay pe teacher also dont mind, oh and he asked if i was from a girls school and said i was very whinny. lol.
i ended up running 4 rounds with kim and another with pris. and my feet hurts after that cuz like i said the stupid pair of shoes are not meant for running.
and that teacher very bad. after i run i said "ah im sweating like a pig" and he asked does pig even sweat? *pouts* i dont know! i dont hang around wit pigs la...
anyway went back to class la. i so wanted to take of my shirt. hot like fuck la. but then, not wanting to have the risk of having guys suddenly popping in or being labelled as a slut even though grace said i already am one... i just changed 15 mins after that with half buttoned blouse and unbottoned skirt. i slut what~ haha.

break was hilarious. think dumb blonde. then evacuation. omfg. the brains of people like this..

gp. that teacher, the miss ong. her sarcasm, her attitude.. really horrible and i cant stand it la. then she dont even know how to pronounce my fucking name which is so fucking easy. alene. hen nan mehz?! i dont like people mispronouncing my name la, i find that very insulting. so yea. then i dont know like. i just dont like her. period.

mob hai hao lo. talk about mobile phones.

ht. miss yap was so happy to talk about shopping la. you should see the smile in her face when she talked about it. so cute!
took class pic. the man is mad. and nuriani get to stand la! so unfair!!!!! then i sit beside miss yap... then that stupid man. i take my head slightly a lil then he said "look straight i want your front view" and i went " no! i dont want! my front view not that nice" then the man bo wei gong. just asked us look at his waving hands. so gayish. feel like a little kid taking passport picture.

had this mini lil "gig" thingy after school in the canteen. hai hao la. but i really dont understand why they wear the wigs. famous amos cookies lou feng.
and shitballs. i got a very bad feeling about shaiful's mp3. i hope no itchy hands went to touch it. or i will perform hara-kiri. lol. but seriously i hope its with him la, or i will seriously feel guilty.

touch meeting was hai hao lo. i dont really like meetings, makes me almost fell asleep. hehe. yes ah, getting the jersey on fri. finally! now im waiting for my ball. then everything will be great la.

daddy going to japan on friday! whee. im so going to whine at him! ask him to buy sourvenirs for me. but he very bad ah! he say hes only going to buy green tea for me............... i want other stuffs la!
oh means next week can go school with the bf... if he wants to la. or else i just whine at my mum and ask her to fetch me to school.
~~oh god. next week im gonna be damn busy. i really hope i have time. or else i will kill myself. i hope mimi has time too.~~

oh! maybe can go shopping on friday.... hmmmm. but that means no money for some more important stuffs.... ahdui~

and im so upset. kokseng. why izit that all of the homies had seen him at different timings and locations. even my sister who rarely talked to him got to see him today just by sitting the 3:30pm school bus. but there was not one single time i got to see him ever since he got back from kl many months ago. its just not fair la. i dont get to asked him so many things... i dont even know what the hell he is doing. from great close friends to nothing at all. sad case it is.

i just gave my mum more troubles when she altered my other skirt and the zip went out of place. now she have to go buy zips and all...... hehe.

im starting to type whatever that pops into my head. not very good. so i shall end here. tata!

p.s maya if you're reading this. you better contact me asap. im freaking worried and.. just contace me k? its important.

2005-08-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

today's gp was pretty ok. talking about accepting gays in the civil service. i pretty much like this line saying " by accepting homosexuals in the political position in society is like telling your child its ok to have sex with the same gender". just something interesting to ponder about other than whether homosexuals are born the way they are, or were they influenced?
no i have nothing against homosexuals, i wont discriminate or comment about them. im even great friends with some. afterall im not in their shoes, i dont know whats on their mind. just something for me to ponder about you see... im just totally straight. *looks at bf*
yes i really am very straight...

break was freaking funny. were bitching about dumb blonde.
oh you see, during gp, the teacher asked her to tell her our name.. then it came to her turn, i wasnt paying full attention because i was doing my own stuffs as usual, but dumb blonde's firm and pretty loud "NO" grabbed my immediate attention.. and the scene was like this..
teacher: whats your name?
dumb blonde: adelena.
teacher: can i call you lena instead?
dumb blonde: NO.
*2 minutes of complete stunned silence in 05C2*
teacher: really cannot?
dumb blonde: NO.
*hidden giggles from everyone*
haha. i wont bitch much. shes freaking hilarious. and i cant stand her at all. thats why i avoid her whenever possible and i shift a little whenever shes around me. im like that. heh.

bla bla bla. day slowly dragged. kutuk club became a bookworm club during lunch cuz we were all reading in class. it was all peaceful silence until dayana and jannah came into the class and made a hell lot of noise, as usual. and i hid that irritation in me. its not the first time you see but i dont like to confront people about it cuz i did that to lynnest group once and it was pretty rude and i felt pretty bad after that. so yea..

aomaths. mr soh very bad la! dont want to nominate me nevermind, still go and say "i dont want to forgive you cuz your file was a mess the other time" when i asked for sweet... *grumbles* so bad la! hmmph! i will find a way to agitate him. as usual. haha.

i spent "1 hour" in the toilet with jaq cuz our bfs didnt notice that we walked past their class. thats our inside joke la.
i went with the bf to orchard for an ultra mini shopping to be done, not by me, but my bf. he bought his gloves and i wanted to snack on something so we went to taka and then he reminded me of long john's chocolate cream pie and i was whinning horribly to him that i want but then we realised theres no long john in taka and i was in a rush of time to meet my parents! *pouts* we ended up having famous amos cookies to substitute it.dont you just love spending time with your loved ones even for a teenyweeny while? the feeling of having someone you love beside you, just both of you together, and enjoying each others company. and sometimes it just doesnt seem enough for you, even though you are quite content with it, but you still want more. maybe its cuz of this longing for more time that allows every moment spent even more treasured and worthwhile and although petty little fights may be all over the relationship, the love is still there. all you need is time. time to understand each other, to open up each other. and the fate to last. :)

i met up with my family and the family's friend after that. catherine and solane from france. i envy their bonding and their lifestyle. i wanna be a single mum too. the feeling of being independent yet at the same time having a kid for you to make your life more fufilling. i want that. its seems and feels right. im not mad. i seriously think its worth considering. it may be hard to support the child, but then again, if you work hard enough, everything is possible.
met up with them at four seasons hotel, went to a north indian restaurant outside scotts centre for dinner, the boss in that restaurant treated us ice creams for dessert, how nice. and darling little solane drew me a nice picture of a cat. how sweet of her! you should see how she practically squealed with joy when she saw her just now. yes, a pretty little dear girl she is. i adore her. :D

we belong together

2005-08-16T00:24:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean it

When I said I didn't love you,

soI should have held on tight

I never should've let you go

I didn't know nothingI was stupid,

I was foolishI was lying to myself

I could not fathom that I would ever

Be without your love

Never imagined I'd be

Sitting here beside myself

Cause I didn't know you

Cause I didn't know me

But I thought I knew everythingI never felt

The feeling that I'm feeling

Now that I don't hear your voice

Or have your touch and kiss your lips

Cause I don't have a choice

Oh, what I wouldn't give

To have you lying by my side

Right here, cause baby

When you left I lost a part of me

It's still so hard to believe

Come back baby, please

Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on

When times get rough

Who's gonna talk to me on the phone

Till the sun comes up

Who's gonna take your place

There ain't nobody better

Oh, baby baby, we belong together

I can't sleep at night

When you are on my mind

Bobby Womack's on the radio

saying to me"If you think you're lonely now"

Wait a minute

This is too deep

I gotta change the station

So I turn the dial

Trying to catch a break

And then I hear Babyface

I only think of you

And it's breaking my heart

I'm trying to keep it together

But I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element

throwing things, crying

Trying to figure out

Where the hell I went wrong

The pain reflected in this song

ain't even half of whatI'm feeling insideI need

Need you back in my life, baby

When you left I lost a part of me

It's still so hard to believe

Come back baby, please

Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on

When times get rough

Who's gonna talk to me on the phone

Till the sun comes up

Who's gonna take your place

There ain't nobody better

Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby

When you left I lost a part of me

It's still so hard to believe

Come back baby, please

Cause we belong together

Who am I gonna lean on

When times get rough

Who's gonna talk to me

Till the sun comes up

Who's gonna take your place

There ain't nobody better

Oh baby, baby

We belong together

i think grace can totally relate to this song. haha. but ok. its not just about dampening grace's mood. i love this song. somehow i can relate to it. so yea.

2005-08-15T23:04:00.000+08:00

i forgot to bring my hp today. didnt miss out much also bah, 8 missed calls and 9 messages recieved only. so hai hao la. i guess. the classmates made fun of me cuz of that, suan me like nobody's business. and whats worst was that i forgot to bring my watch. and therefore i totally do not know the time at all la. terrible horrible. thankfully leoric lent me his during school hours.

lexine wont freaking leave me along. that stalker. haiz.
and it doesnt help when she seems like she die die wanna do something between me and diann. why wont she just fucking shut up and just return me my 50bucks? damn fucking irritating.
call and call and sms and sms. "why you hate me?" " i knew it all along" "i care for you so much".. *roll eyes* she did that since last year, and despite being patient enough to explain to her then, she wun listen la. and now shes doing all over again... argh. wth.

stupid darlings. called me today then denied for calling me. make me felt stupid for awhile. haha.

today grace and i were on the sad mood. and well, intially, i sang many sad love songs to grace, wanting to make her even more depress and all, and i ended up being in pain even more. heh. im stupid ah. but the songs are really nice. secondary school songs. but who cares, they are nice. so i sang and sang....
i wana type all the lyrics of the song down. at least the parts where i sang. but nvm.

my face is in a very bad condition these days. dont even wanna look at the mirror la. hati sakit.

mob. hmmm. mrs yong got a very very flat abdomen/tummy despite already given birth to two kids. i will die to have a tummy/abdomen like her. looks good in tight fitting clothes. not like my baby elephant. i really look pregnant la! haiz.

i dont even know what happened during econs. kimberly and i lepak awhile at e canteen before going up. haha.

pe did nothing. grace and i ended sitting at a nice spot facing the field and talked. a worthwhile one. got me thinking about many many things related to relationships. heh. i duno. confusing.

something happy but turned shitty during break. i spent ht in my own world.

chi i wrote nice songs lyrics to grace to make her even more upset. haha.

lunch wasnt nice. resulted in something.

poa so many hmwk!!!

anyway. ok. kim and i went to some shopping mall after school to alter my jeans. the nerd paradise she calls it with no pretty clothes at all!! the clothes are.. horrendous. never will you see me wearing them. very ugly. we managed to actually saw a fake roxy shirt tho. lol! ultra rare.
had lunch at there. the food was hai hao la. ate with the geeks and well just talked. lynnest they all never really believed we both hang out together cuz we rarely talk or be together during school times. but well we do la!! hahahha. and its always fun to bitch and all. :)

i have to finish my many many hmwk....

and well one of my all time favourite songs:

I don't think you understand

That what your doing is not so cool

You think it's funny to mess with my mind

Don't you

You know I like you so you just tease me

You give me just enough

To hang on and on

When your just wasting my time

You're simply wasting my time

So quit wasting my time

Do you hear me when I say

So let me ask you something

Do you think I'm pretty or don't you

Do you want to get with me or not

Are you just wasting my time?

You're simply wasting my time

So quit wasting my time

And what have you got to say

Well things have got to change

See this just isn't right

I don't want to have to fight

And I think I better go

'Cause this ain't working anymore

And I'm sorry, sorry, sorry

Understand that what you did

Was just not so cool

Maybe your just not that cool

2005-08-13T20:06:00.000+08:00

tagboard is down again. no surprise. and no i dont like the fact that it is down.. makes my blog seems so dead. but what to do, immature imbeciles who loves to disrupt people's life actually exist, thinking that their spiteful words will bring people down, when they are just being fucking annoying.

i like the twice a week yoga session. makes me really just relaxed and forget about everything for that one hour. it works wonders. its way better that sitting in this room staring at the computer screen and actually feel stressed up over it.
swimming pool was down for maintenance. again. no surprise. so i didnt get to swim.

gonna meet some family's friend tomorrow. i dont really care. just get my mp3 changed please. i dont like to be without my mp3. i feel so.... alone. and quiet. erm yea.. haha.

i need to get a shirt. just one will do. i dont have much shirts. most of my tops are too formal. hopefully i can get one asap la. dont like the thought of always somehow wearing the same one.

my mood aint at its best. my nose is feeling painfully raw. i will end it here.

2005-08-13T11:14:00.000+08:00

ahhhhhhh~ so paiseh!

apparently stupid yithann saw me in the club during that yoga session. and apparently he think its fucking funny to see me doing it. and hes going to start going there every week just to see me doing it so as to make him laugh out loud and despite me telling him i wont be going then, he says hes going to camp at that place until i go there.

...

*smacks forehead*

hes e 3rd homie i saw in this club within a month.

they are so not going to let me live it down...

so paiseh la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im going to have one whole group of groupies watching me every weekends. nice...

*pouts*!!!!!

2005-08-13T00:20:00.000+08:00

yes ah! i got it! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~ lol. yes thats my darling goddaughter. i know it sounds so mungent. but oh well. you will never know the bond we share la :)

2005-08-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

ok this has brought such a huge small to my face :)

well for those who dont know bout my secondary school life.. last year, i had this goddaughter by the name of diann. then well, apparently she was an angel in my life la. being there with me constantly, making me smile with many things she do. but then i was stupid la, didnt know how to prioritise, let the ex bf ruined my closeness with her. so we drifted apart in the end la...

oh well, she just talked to me :D
yes after not talking properly for more than 10months. thanks to lexine la. that crazy woman who accuses me and diann of not liking her and all those shits. you have no idea how diann and i are afraid of her la. haha.
so erm ya. reli chatted man. gosh i miss my girl. never fails to make me laugh with her sweetness. still remember my status. =)

im still pestering her for her recent pic ah....

to be spread..

2005-08-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

Romeo owned Juliet. Adam owned Eve says:
nex wk i treat u all macs sundae lo

Romeo owned Juliet. Adam owned Eve says:
macs sundae onli!

JAMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! U DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME!!!!!! must be izzy.... says:
if ALL touch girl can make it for one outing, i promise on that outing i'll wear human clothes....
JAMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! U DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME!!!!!! must be izzy.... says:
NO SHORTS OR TEE....
Romeo owned Juliet. Adam owned Eve says:
wahahaha
JAMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! U DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME!!!!!! must be izzy.... says:
normal clothes....
Romeo owned Juliet. Adam owned Eve says:
fine~
JAMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! U DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME!!!!!! must be izzy.... says:
I PROMISE....

a promise is a promise :)

2005-08-12T21:16:00.000+08:00

this month is the language month. so being such a spontaneous student of MI, me and my bf [forced] are gonna speak chi for one whole month.
boyu, ni bu he wo shua hua yu, wo jiu bu yao ying ni! wahahahha.
he dont even know my chinese name until today la! *grumbles*

maya performed today. she was great. i would be better if grace could control her contagious laughter la! she keep on laughing then i keep on laughing. but it was hai hao la.

i want to go for the dairy farm camp thingy. people nominate me :D

should have been smart enough to catch the hint when durin the start of poa, mrs teo asked us to put our wallets on our table so that we wont be rushing to the lockers to take them in between lessons.
so today got the evacuation thingy la. my class damn enthu. one of the first few classes to reach. haha. then we were locked inside the danceroom and everyone just talked non stop. then the teacher commented that, during the real situation, that will only be the amount of oxygen we have, and we should conserved it by not talking. and everyone talked louder. haha. rizal damn bad la! he said that miss yap blend in with the curtains behind her. lol!
the principal so fierce. when she screamed at those girls. oOolala.

break was usual lo. i cleared my maths debt. i dont owe mr soh anything anymore. whee! he was damn bz during break la. people keep on clicking the thing that keep on calling him. so irritating him. lol. but he was nice la, when he nicely said to me "hmm. so now you know what will happen if you dont do your work properly. so do better nice time k? you can go now" like in a very nice tone la. you should see his tone when he talked to a guy this morning. damn fierce sia. then the guy was like "yes sir yes sir". haha.

pia gp during econs. and just got free of debts from gp too. phew! the subject that totally stressed me up these days. he going reservist for next two weeks. drive that dont know what thing. he warned us about the new quite hott mr soh. i think its something to do with that teachers sarcasm that will bring us down. hmmm, i wonder whos gonna be the first one.
rizal and shaiful damn funny la. you should see how they both had to stay back to do their owned assignments and how they were reacting to it.

anders gave me the doll. whee! thanks anders :)

touch was very funny today. esp with that veron. with her around, everything was hilarious la. joked about everything and made fun of everyone. wahaa. i love naughty little liar! lol.
we moved from one side of the field to the other. even though we were the first cca to start training, we got the least space. sads. but its ok. oh at one point of the training damn funny la!
ok, we were doing the 3-ups. and suddenly the primary kids were gathering around the fence area la. then they keep on shouting and all. so we thought they were being just kids la, especially when they keep on shouting "dumping" cuz we said that ma. yes and they keep on chanting and screaming "dumping dumpin" so we just heck la. until they suddenly shouted together "pingpongball!" then we realised that all they wanted was the pingpongball that got into our field la. boy was that fucking funny. after disturbing us for 15mins then they tell us what they want. veron n i were like laughing our hearts out la. so stupid! so hilarious. for such an insignificant pingpongball, they pestered us and we didnt even know it exist. lol
we did drills. my "dumping" not good ah~ and oh, my poor chest. like it wasnt flat enough. miss wawa hit my teenyweenyboobs so many times. so pain la! then ferx throw the ball so hard, kena a few more times. *sobs* sakit la!

after training lepak until my dad came. boy was that session damn hilarious. first was the oogling over brad pitt and some guy they all saw but i didnt get to see before. then.. we talked about the embarrassing things we did before. damn hilarious la. and i hafta control my laughter and not laugh out loud cuz the rugby boys were having meeting. but damn funny la. really. laughed until my tummy hurts. wahaha. and they have to talk about taka. oh god *covers face* haha.

gosh. the nose that cant stop running. damn irritating la. how am i gonna slp tonight? with my mouth open? argh...

2005-08-11T19:49:00.000+08:00

gosh today totally stressed me out la! only happy thing was the cute little keychain my bf gave me and the enormous can of pringles that leoric bought for me! haha.

morning morning, people like mr yew came into the class and start reprimanding us about our lousy sr work.

and ladidadida~ the next thing i noe, i got that srjc paper 2 thingy on my table with a ht thingy staple on top of it. like wtf. stop piling me up with these silly stuffs la! and it didnt help when that selfish gp rep just didnt want to let me know who else got back that shit and asked me to do it myself. for fuck sake, then you do it for me la! talk so much. sucha long day and i hafta hand in by today and you're not helping at all. you are not the one whos gonna be killed if i copied what, where care so much balls for? damn i totally cant stand him la! dont try to defend him saying that hes doing his work. i dont give two shits. hes getting way out of hand and hes worst than any teacher i ever had. and hes only just a gp rep. got, you should see how he pressurized us hurrying us to hand up the hmwk and all. yes its nice to have someone who give too much hoots to hand in your stuff and all but now its really way too much its gonna freak me out real soon la. thank god there was leoric to negotiate stuffs with..

mob hai hao la. chi the usual. poa same. econs thank god miss yap didnt come so i could finished up all my gp assignments.

maths...god. i was hesitating of whether to go for maths. so when sharifah said its just doing filing, so i just go la. still i got detention next week for handing up a piece of utter messed file. nice. and so i was rushing through the stuffs, rushing through time. i was on the verge of tearing my hair out of my head and i thought the bf cld help but he misinterpret my words. so nvm~ thank god there was kimberly. dear kimberly helped me finished up my holiday hmwk corrections. phew! and another other kimberly helped me with the target settings. im so thankful man. or else i would still be stuck in that room la! then the first round i failed, i was pissed la, then gina was being jokingly sarcastic that i was so irritated i just kinda scolded her. gosh i feel damn bad but i was sooo stressed out that time i couldnt help it. 2nd round i made it. so lucky me la. or i would really cry there and then man.

im having a pimple breakout with all these stress. so ugly!

2005-08-10T22:29:00.000+08:00

i have this ultra huge craving for long john's hersheys chocolate cream pie ever since monday...

and no. the craving is not satisfied yet.
im dying to just have a bite of it...............................

2005-08-10T19:15:00.000+08:00

ok. hmm. today had not been pleasant la. especially the morning. was glad mimi helped me out cuz i really didnt know what to do or say. i hope everything is/going to be fine and dainty now.

so anyway, i was feeling so down and all, so i just listened to my songs la. and i came across broken by seether and amy lee. then i felt like i could relate to the lyrics. it sound quite related to my relationship with my bf, so ladidadida, layout change, song put up. quite dark. but it will stay for the time being.

anyway, at noon mummy and i went to the roadside stall to have penang laksa and ice kacang. maybe when im down i tend to think and notice more, but oh wells, i realised that this simple unglam life occasionally makes life interesting. like you dont get to taste such cheap and good food in classy restaurants right? they will most of the time whipped up something different and all... and you dont get to eat at some dirty broken table where car just passes by but actually you dont really care, in fact i enjoyed it, its so.. different. just simple. not hectic. unglam. not stressful. heh.
and mum and i just drive around hunting for more stops to eat. like some kueh for rm0.60, zhu cang feng with many ingredients and rojak, and sweet desserts. its nice come to think about it. heh.

and school starts tml. and my gp rep almost freaked me out yesterday by reminding me to hand in gp hmwk tml. i know its nice of him to be serious and responsible. but its slightly too much that its not only freaking me or maya out, even the rest of the classmates. hes like law by law, no slight changes to get you out of trouble and all. not nice at all. cuz it doesnt benefit me. wahaaha.

i have many undone homeworks that i do not know where to start.

my freaking mp3 is freaking spoilt. can we change to some other brand daddy? i think creative is a big lump of shit.

2005-08-10T12:13:00.000+08:00

i dont like to solve problems. especially matters of the heart.

i wanna let it go. let it free. but i dont wanna face it.

i wanna hide at one corner. run away from it. until everything is ok.

if only these feelings are like a solid. i wanna take it out and smash it to pieces.

if only these feelings are like liquid. i wanna it to flow out of my body and never come back.

the old addiction is tempting. i just wana cry and ...

2005-08-07T21:23:00.000+08:00

whats love?

rajiv : love is when you wouldn't mind marrying the person and having a family wit him/her.and prepared to go thru wit the gal even tho she's shouting at u when she's hving her pms

alex: love is like a box of chocolate...

shaiful: love is friendship

adeline and lynnest: love is like a piece of shit

kimberly: love is when... love is splendid!

then why do people fall in love?

rajiv: becos of many things.depends on their expectation,if they dont have expectations and fall in love.. tts love.

alex: thats the reason why people pursue love.. because there's simply too many question about it.to share every single moment with someone... not just because they ae lonely..to live their life to the fullest by finding someone who can bring them smile everytime they need one..

shaiful: cause they wanna share their joy and sorrow with

adeline: cox they think its sweet.. but thats for a period of time onli...

lynnest: ya..A DAMN SHORT PERIOD !

2005-08-07T13:42:00.000+08:00

fuck la. what a fucking comp and a fucking internet connection i have. i dont like to repeat myself. and it doesnt help when what i just updated just couldnt be posted. cb.

yes im fucking disappointed now. not like i can help it. i wont whine. i wont pout. i will just shut the fuck up. so dont bother talking to me, cuz i wont talk la.

no i cant help the way im feeling inside now. yes i may be selfish and all, but i did try to understand. but stil, the stab of pain is really too much la. 5 days dude. 5 days straight. if i dont feel anything, i must have been mad or something. right now, i dont wish to talk, i just wana keep everyting to myself and hide somewhere. dont force it out of my mouth, it wouldnt work. cuz well, theres no point in the first place. i dont see any point in saying out something when it cant be solve. so just leave me alone until im back to my usual self again. i never once said im easy to please anyway. heh

i had my piano just now. a new teacher, pretty ok. i feel like venting my emotions at the piano, maybe i can play the piece better after that, and i will most propably feel better after that too.

50 laps at the club later on. hopefully at least.

note to myself : contact kimberly later on.

2005-08-06T20:47:00.000+08:00

whee~ anders is going to give me a doll on thursday. haha.

i swam 40 laps today. the water was very wavy cuz the pump was spoilt. but still yea :)
had yoga. i dont know if i was too relaxed or too tired, either way i fell asleep in the end. haha so pathetic! i know... lol.

the tagboard is up again. cuz of some persuasion from kaili. i will just delete the posers la, however troublesome it is. argh kids these days.

[edit]i just totally let out my most recent bottled feelings to my boyfriend just now. heh i dont know la. i feel pretty bad for feeling this way but i cant help the way im feeling right? its like the resentment just happened, and by being blown hot and cold by someone isnt something im born to be able to tolerate and let go just like that. yes im a pretty selfish and self centered person with little tolerance to accept things that i cant stand. this i must admit. but. sigh i dont know. i feel better letting it out now, but i just feel guilty about it. should i? it just pissed me off all the time when im not treated right, even as a normal typical friend. yes im a fucking spoilt brat, i expect a certain special attention from everyone. but no, this is not about being special, this is just about being treated right and feeling right. no, right now i dont. i have been a bitch recently but i cant help it. i just cant stand that someone. you get what i mean? sigh... [/edit]

im tired. i miss him. im off.

MI touch carnival

2005-08-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

i wont talk much about what happened during school hours today. cuz nothing much happened...

but after school was great.

had a little touch meeting. and lepak in class for some time. chris and gang made me laughed real hard with the way they interpret the rules of the game and how it was played. they were making a joke out of it and val didnt know whether to blow her top or laughed her heart out. haha.
well my team consist of chris, val, shaiful, syarina, justin, alicia, rafi and me. yes all the guys were playing touch for the first time :)
first match was against akira's team. or should i say the tutz team along with their silly chant and dance steps, haha. to me, i think it was pretty relaxing la, we were playing around more than playing hard. with anders trying to be a distraction with all the silly comments he made that makes me wanna kill him there and then. yes the first match was fun. we lost 0-1 but nvm. having the guys as first timers, i was really impressed with them.
then we touch girls played against the yr 3 rugby guys. we won we won! haha.
lepak for awhile, watched the other teams played. suntanned at the same time. oh and anders wont shut up! haha. asked and said silly stuffs that added to the happy day. haha. but he ended up hurting syarina cuz he kicked the rugby ball and it hit her head. so bad lo. and you should see his face after that... so paiseh, so guilty... haha.
last match was against wawa team. i forgot our score, we lost but it was another great game. yes i really was amazed by the tricks that chris pulled. i was exhausted by the 2nd part. but ya, even though my team lost, i love them all. they rocks man! we played in the name of fun, and we lost with huge smiles on our faces. it was afterall a carnival to enjoy ourselves. so ya, today was great. for me at least :D

on the sad note. i realised that there is a possibility i wont be able to see him for 5 days straight since im planning to pon school with kimberly darling on monday. lets hope something good happens on monday.
and i have got my plan for the 5 days done up. swimming will be the main thing. gonna take this chance to swim man. i really need to tone up my body. especially since teacher's day is coming and im going to have to go to rss with the darlings to see 2 teachers only. and lets not get me started on my secondary school...

and my mp3 is freaking spoilt again. this is my 2nd mp3 and now its spoilt again. and i dare say its definitely not my fault. i dont throw it around, i never dropped it before, i only listen to it in the mornings. and yet its screwed. creative sucks la. now hafta go change it again. but i just do not know how to tell my dad...

i was so tired i slept the whole journey home. slept through the very loud noise the guys were making.

tomorrow plans are all cancelled.
i am not going to sentosa with the homies to celebrate thiam yi's bday.
i cant go to turf city cuz i told my parents a little too late.
swimming and yoga session again i guess. ok maybe kickboxing too... we shall see my energy level tomorrow~

2005-08-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

im pretty pissed today you know.
not really entirely pissed cuz the classmates had been real darlings making me laugh throughout. but still i was somehow pissed.

morning was hai hao la. mob.. i was slacking.
break was pathetic. freezing cold with the wind blowing the rain into the canteen. shaiful was my life-saver. he came with his plate of nasi ayam and the rice was so hot i can feel the heat while sitting beside. so nice.
chi was nothin.
poa was fun. aiyo. my teacher keep on suan-ing me la! then she take sides with the classmates then they all against me sia! then rizal and i keep on quarreling. lol.
i ate that nasi ayam during lunch, and i think it was slightly too spicy that my stomach hurts damn much after that. argh my stomach and the sensitiveness to spicy food. but i cant help it! i love spicy food...
econs ah. miss yap like yelled at us lo. so sad. had a talk with lynnest they all. o heartening :)
maths was hilarious. maya made me laugh non stop cuz of the way she talk about miss bad breath, we were laughing damn hard and tried all methods. so pathetic la, my tummy hurts liao, den hafta laugh even more, reli sakit sia! den mr soh so bad! dont wana be my friend la! den ppl laughed at me! pouts.

thats about all for today.

ninzie dear. we need to meet up soon and talk. both of us. kaili try to make time if possible. everything is gettin out of hand these days.

the first month :)

2005-08-03T20:35:00.000+08:00

nina from the ex-kutuk club is transferring to 05A2 tml... so sad! just when i started to get close with her and all... damn sad la! im gonna miss her, the other minah malaysia in 05C2, no more secret jokes and laughing over dumb blonde. sigh.

completed my napfa today... hai hao lo. 2.4km was quite a killer, 13:14 only. i just wanted to lie down la. oh and at one point, kim was damn sweet, cuz sharifah cun really run anymore, she being the one who just sit by and counted the number of rounds.. well she actually started jogging beside sharifah, pushing her, encouraging her and all. boy am i touched. that is such an unexpected thing to do la! i hearts her. keke.

gp was pretty lame. i didnt manage to kill the teacher though. thats sad.

mob, hmmm. i was just counting down to the time when the lesson ends.

ht almost worked as sleeping pills. gracie actually dozed off la. i kept myself awake by singing. lol

as for touch today........ keke.
it was so fun! ok intially the trainings were complex and confusing. really have to pay attention and all... and i still get confuse with my right and left. haha. but the best part was the modified dog and bone game. man, that one totally rocks la! the bimbotic side of us was shown, especially nadia tutz n i. haha. we were damn bimbotic and all, really screaming and all, just enjoying it cuz its fun. then we had the modified touch again, which is my favourite cuz we hafta run like mad dogs, my group didnt win but we did enjoyed it. run and scream, totally relieve the stress or anger in oneself sia. and i got dirty! didnt fell, just slided once, but oh well, my canter shorts still got dirty, i think my mum is gonna freak out when she sees it later on, but its sexy to have dirty shorts k?! lol.
quick bathe after training was like being in a paradise. it was so needed.
oh and i was glad that tutz and i cleared our misunderstandings. shes the bitch and im the mini bitch. *mini me pose* lol. and it felt a whole lot better to clear things with her. we all started talking because of our huge toys 'r us water bottle.
and i love my missy. we compared our chest size today, obviously i lost. wahaha. but ya, i love being with her during trainings. she rocks ok! :D

went home with the bf today. he smelt like a man after he bathe. lol. while waiting, i lepak with hardi they all. niceness.
anyway, today is our first monthsary. hehe. all smiles and no frown. ok i did frown abit cuz i was pissed of something la. for awhile only. hehe.
so my dear poser(s), i dont understand why you imbecile(s) did and said the things you did. to ruin us or what, well i dont know. but i dont care cuz you cant. i just think that it is very immature of you and that its a very cowardly act. shame on you idiot(s).

oh wells, i may be a bit pissed during some parts of the day but im still really blissfully happy today. so yea, ladidadida~

2005-08-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

so many lame stuffs happened today sia...

and before i begin my entry.. i learnt to not chat until 2am liao. i ended up being damn tired today la. so pathetic and i never got tt video clip. argh!

i was close to dozing off during gp. mr yew was just dragging the lesson, so sianz. ate a lil during break, wasnt that hungry. i spent more time gossiping with the "ex-kutuk club members" instead. damn funny. we were commenting at almost everyone. haha.
i dont know what i did during mob, poa was quite ok la, i love the rain. haha
econs was mad. everyone oOohed and aAahed when rizals family came. so cute~ like some zoo exhibition.
lunch was damn hilarious. stupid maya and gab! maya asked gabby to be her temp bf. and anyway, maya damn bad la. she was a poser! a leney-wannabe! omg, she tried to be me, but her voice damn horrible la! lol. then gab was the 2nd poser. and with them both keep on mocking me, oh gosh, i almost died laughing. they were so ridiculous la! so its like 3 leneys walking behind kira. how blissful. lol. maya and gab were mad in the class la. they totally made my day there and then :D
aomaths hai hao la. i sat with the kutuk club members again. they damn nice to me la. i keep on callin aini bitch. lol.

aiya. todays date ended up as nothin. so sad la.

i dont kno what to say abou today
oh kids these days
a ger in my bus dated a guy 12 years older tha her. mad sia......

2005-08-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

i was hiding in my room in fright just now...
few minutes after dad and i got home, when i was in my room, i suddenly heard loud voices and stuffs being banged and all, thought it was nothing until it continued for a long time. i realised my dad was throwing his very huge temper, no i dont know why. i just hide in my room wishing it will end soon, and i saw little heidi running out of the house and hiding near the gate, uncertain of whether to go inside the house. like me, she is afraid of loud voices. shrugs.. what a way to arrive home.

i learnt a lesson to not swim at the late evening, it only got my braincells so hyperactive that even though my eyes were shut tight, the brain just cant relaxed. and i ended up feeling mentally exhausted today.
and i dont know why but my tummy hurts alot too. got a feeling it has something to do with the huge amount of different spicy stuff i ate yesterday... well i dont know too.

had napfa today. so far so good, a possibility to get gold i guess. it all relies on my sit ups, shuttle run and 2.4km now.... i need to master enough energy for wed.

grace wallet got confiscated during sr thanks to me. cuz i was looking at the neoprints. hehe.
i dont really like the way mrs yong teaches mob. she yaks non stop and she wont repeat. i dont really have the speed to take down what she is saying la. just a little here and there. sigh..
econs drew the demand and supply graph. hai hao la. but i got confused in the end...
ht sexuality education where one girl lost her virginity to a construction worker is so unglam la. of all ppl. eew. the video was damn lame la! esp when the guy was having sex. damn hilarious la! i wasnt listening for most of the parts, so yea.
chi. i dont know what i was doing. forcing myself to copy down wat the teacher was saying while having a huge urge to just lie down and sleep.
poa was damn funny la. mrs teo so cute! after parents session on friday, even she agrees that my dad is damn strict, doesnt even know how to accept the compliments they give but take it as a complaint, they also run out of things to say sia. then she very cute, when i complained that i dont wana do, then she said "ok lo, you cant dont do" then she whispers "then i will tell your father."... wahaha. so cute la! imagine a teacher pretending to threaten you. then the whole period, everything not happy, everyone say they wanna tell my father. hehe fun.

i didnt spent much time with him today. just a while in the morning, a while during lunch, and another while after school. sad ah. after a long weekend, then still unable to get to really see each other. somemore this week we are packed... left the mornings only.. i hope i can go out on sat la. im just waiting for the right time now.... sigh.

went home with nina. on the way to the interchange, theres this fugly dirty indian guy who went up the bus with his fly opened and his dick protruding out. gosh. how gross is that?! oh man, some people just had no shame la. do you have any idea how disgusting that was? i almost puked on the spot. argh. what luck. ~~and no i dont know why guys love their little brother so much, i think they are ugly. lol!~~
alan made up some lame excuses and i never got to know what the hell really happened or how cosmetically challenged he looked like. so nvm, just as two, and we were talking about how lame kaili was yesterday night. haha. and a little bitching here and a little heart to heart talk there. i hope tomorrow will be a success, im so looking forward to it. keke. we saw so many of rss ppl there. some growing fatter, some growing uglier, and the lists go on... cant be bothered. we are going back during teachers day just to see mrs jalil, the best teacher i ever had, and mama salwana whose ever so sweet, and i got to realise the advice she gave was really true. i dont wana see puki tee. that aunty with a huge atti prob. i loathe her. and i also dont wanna see cb tan. that two sided principal who looks and walks like a monkey and treat us like non existent just because we graduated from school and can no longer get good grades or bring glory for the school. i hope the losers left in the school, the mats, the minahs, the wannabes, the lians, the bengs, whatever~ will totally score damn badly and make her lose face man. she dont deserve something like that. she has done nothing. except for being a bitch. i fucking hate her la. nina can vouch for that. heh.

ok, im supposed to rest now. *roll eyes* haha. so thats all for today. tata.

2005-07-30T20:42:00.000+08:00

too much time spent on the computer makes me a very angry person..

i didnt go to turf city today. im so screwed la... its like such a wrong time to not go. argh nvm.

please dont ask me hows my day on weekends, cuz apparently. its the same as every other weekends. so stop asking me that, i know i dont have a fun loving life like you people do, but do stop rubbing it in. thank you.
and i think i should go on a blocking spree. sick of some imbeciles pestering me and i dont even like talking to them. i just dont do it cuz its rude.. sigh.

i feel like a stone these days. i just seriously cant be bothered with anything anymore. malas la....
even when my parents tried to find fault. normally i will just defend my life away. this time round, i just stare at them as they yelled at me, give them the eye and walk away.
i seriously just lost my energy to fight my way through things. i just walk away, it sounds like im running away from reality. either way, i just dont care la...
the remaining energy left is to spent it being happy with people i heart.

just like yesterday, while waiting for my parents to arrive..
instead of prancing around like i normally do. i just sat at the classroom door, listening to my mp3 and just daydream. i felt at peace doing so... i just wanna be alone at times. and it feels good.

this is one of the days where nothing matters to me at all...

fuck the past

i love to go to school!

i HATE cina BOYBANDS!

random.

too much

pigs!

back at last

Stickwithu

PSLE release day

random thoughts

oh bother.

MIRWU / MIRSU

white and gold makes me glow!

tomboys and ah lians.

take me away

plans

loooong survey

ladida~

crabs and pigs

saboh-ed!

bored

shitfuck.

Rock Dizzles

moments before...

the clarification.

lipgloss and letdowns

madness

ai hen jian dan.

we belong together

to be spread..

*MI touch carnival*

the first month :)

MI touch carnival